Tag: Living

Posted in life

I’ll Let You Know

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

I am probably the biggest “I’ll let you know” person you will ever meet. Ask me on a Monday if I want to do something Saturday and there is a very good chance that will be my answer.

It’s not that I don’t want to go. I genuinely might. I just don’t know how Saturday-me is going to feel yet, and I don’t like having every minute of my life planned in advance. Maybe I’ll wake up wanting to go to the beach. Maybe I’ll want to be outside all day. Maybe I’ll want to go to dinner. Maybe I’ll want to stay home with my dogs and not speak to another human being.

How am I supposed to know that on Monday?

I’ve heard this is a Libra thing, and whether or not that’s actually true, I’ve decided to accept it as fact because it takes some of the responsibility off me. 😂

The only thing I will pretty much guarantee you is the gym. That’s happening. The gym is my sanity and one of the few things I genuinely build my day around. No matter what else is going on in my life, that’s my time to reset, move my body and do something for myself.

Everything else? I’ll let you know.

The funny thing is, I don’t think I suddenly learned how to be alone as I got older. I’ve actually been pretty comfortable doing things by myself for a very long time. I think a lot of that started after my divorce. When my kids were little, obviously my life revolved around them, but I also learned very early that if I wanted to do something, I didn’t necessarily need another adult beside me to do it.

That stayed with me.

I’ll go somewhere by myself. I’ll take a walk. I’ll go to church. I’ll work out. I’ll go grab something to eat. I’ll sit outside. I’ll write. I’ll take myself wherever I feel like going. I love being around people too, but I’ve never been someone who needs to find somebody to accompany me just so I can do something.

I genuinely enjoy my own company.

And as my kids have gotten older and have their own lives, I think I’ve appreciated that freedom even more. For so many years, your time as a mom isn’t really your own. Somebody has practice, somebody needs a ride, somebody is hungry, somebody needs something from Target immediately even though apparently they knew about it for three weeks.

Then they grow up and suddenly you get pieces of your time back.

And I really like those pieces.

I like being able to decide what I feel like doing without taking a vote. I like changing my mind. I like waking up without an itinerary sometimes and seeing where the day takes me.

I think that’s also why I’ve realized that when I say I want “time to myself,” people might assume I mean I have other plans.

I usually don’t.

I’m not talking about girls’ night or having some packed social calendar. Sometimes I literally want a day where nobody expects me anywhere.

That’s the plan.

Maybe I’ll clean my house. Maybe I’ll write. Maybe I’ll go for a walk. Maybe I’ll randomly decide to go somewhere. Maybe I’ll sit on my couch for three hours and accomplish absolutely nothing.

I don’t need to know.

There’s something about having a completely open stretch of time that feels good to me. It’s not time that needs to be filled. It’s time I get to decide what to do with as I’m living it.

And then there are my dogs, which, quite frankly, have set an unreasonable standard for companionship.

They are always happy to see me. They never care if I change the plans. I can walk around my house looking like absolute hell and their enthusiasm for me remains completely unchanged.

But what I love most is that we can just be together.

I don’t have to entertain them and they don’t have to entertain me. I can be writing, watching TV, cleaning the house or doing absolutely nothing, and they’re just there. Their company fills my space and mine fills theirs.

There’s no pressure to fill the silence.

And I think that’s probably what I love most about being comfortable alone. Silence doesn’t make me uncomfortable.

An empty calendar doesn’t scare me.

A Saturday night at home doesn’t automatically make me think I should be somewhere.

Sometimes I want to be around everybody. I love my family. I love my friends. I love going out to dinner, being outside, traveling, laughing, having drinks, doing something spontaneous and having a house full of people.

And sometimes I want everybody to go home. 😂

Both can be true.

I’ve created a life that has room for both.

I can be incredibly social and still need time where nobody needs anything from me. And the older I get, the more I’ve realized that I don’t even necessarily need to be doing something productive with that time.

I don’t have to earn being alone.

I don’t need to say, “I’m staying home because I have things to get done.”

Nope.

Sometimes I’m staying home because I want to stay home.

That’s enough.

There is a slightly dangerous part of becoming this comfortable with your own company, though. You become protective of it.

Not in a dramatic way. I don’t think everyone is coming to disturb my peace. But when you know you’re perfectly capable of being happy by yourself, you’re much more aware of how someone’s presence makes you feel.

I think that’s true of every relationship in life, not just romantic ones.

I gravitate toward people whose company feels easy. People I don’t have to perform for. People who don’t take it personally if I’m quiet, change my mind or disappear into my own little world for a while.

People who can want my company without making me feel responsible for theirs.

That’s really all I need to say about that.

Because this isn’t actually about relationships.

It’s about the relationship I’ve built with myself.

I think there’s something really freeing about knowing that you don’t need to constantly fill your life.

You don’t need plans every weekend.

You don’t need somebody sitting next to you.

You don’t need a reason to go somewhere alone, and you don’t need an excuse to stay home.

Sometimes you can just wake up and ask yourself, “What do I feel like doing today?”

For someone who spent so many years raising kids, working, taking care of things, coordinating schedules and having other people depending on her, there’s something pretty great about finally having days where the answer only has to work for me.

Maybe that’s why I hate committing to plans too far in advance.

An open day doesn’t look lonely to me.

It looks like possibility.

Maybe I’ll go to the beach. Maybe I’ll go for a walk. Maybe I’ll write something. Maybe I’ll sit outside with my dogs. Maybe I’ll get in the car and end up somewhere I hadn’t planned.

Or maybe I’ll do absolutely nothing.

I genuinely don’t know yet.

I’ll let you know.

Posted in life, love, Uncategorized

🥈 Confessions of a Frequent Blocker 😂

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Dating is definitely not what it used to be.

I genuinely don’t know what women some of these men have been talking to because somewhere along the way they got way too comfortable.

People ask me all the time, “You really blocked him for that?”

Absolutely.

And before anyone says, “Maybe you just weren’t attracted to them…”

No.

Obviously, I was interested enough to answer the phone, reply to the text, or keep the conversation going.

Every single one of these men had a shot.

Then… they started talking.

I blocked a guy because…

I told him I had to get off the phone to take a shower.

His response?

“Can I join you?”

Sir…

We’ve been talking for 17 minutes.

Blocked.

I blocked a guy because…

During our very first conversation, he wanted to know how quickly I’d move in with someone because physical touch and emotional connection are important to him.

Slow down, Zillow.

We haven’t even established whether we’d enjoy eating dinner together.

Blocked.

I blocked a guy because…

Our first conversation somehow turned into him telling me about all the women he used to hook up with when he lived in Miami.

Then, without skipping a beat, he told me his 21-year-old daughter sometimes walks around naked because they’re “just comfortable like that.”

I…

What?

Blocked.

I blocked a guy because…

We had only texted.

Never talked on the phone.

Never met.

I told him I was spending the day at the beach with my family.

His response?

“Send me pictures. I’m sure you’ll look hot with a tan.”

Sir…

We’re still in the “I barely know your last name” stage.

Blocked.

I blocked a guy because…

He casually mentioned he didn’t currently have a place to live and was couch surfing.

I truly wish you the best.

Just… from someone else’s couch.

Blocked.

I blocked a guy because…

He proudly told me he doesn’t speak to anyone in his family.

I know every situation is different, and there are always exceptions.

But life has taught me to pay attention when someone says that like it’s no big deal.

Blocked.

I blocked a guy because…

He sent me an unsolicited body picture.

It’s honestly fascinating to me that some men wake up and think,

“You know what’s really going to impress her?”

Spoiler alert…

It wasn’t.

Blocked.

I blocked a guy because…

Mind you, we’d been talking for all of… one day.

I posted a video of my family hanging out at the pool.

His message?

“Next time, point the camera a little lower… under the waist.”

Somehow you watched a family video and thought,

“This is the perfect time to make it sexual.”

Blocked.

The crazy part?

None of these men got blocked because I wasn’t attracted to them. Obviously, I was talking to them for a reason.

They got blocked because they skipped right over getting to know me and went straight to… whatever all that was.

Maybe it works.

I honestly don’t know.

But judging by my conversations with friends, the comments on social media, and about half of TikTok, I’m starting to think we’re all out here meeting the same people.

Which leaves me with one question…

Who is telling these guys this is a good idea?

Because somewhere, there has to be a woman who responded to,

“Can I join you in the shower?”

or

“Move the camera a little lower…”

with,

“Wow… this is exactly the mature, emotionally intelligent man I’ve been waiting for.”

And honestly…

I’d just like to meet her.

Posted in life, life experience, Uncategorized

My Standards Didn’t Get Higher. My Discernment Got Better.

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

There was a time when I thought having standards meant I was being too picky.

Now I think having standards simply means you’ve paid attention.

The other day I was looking at a list I keep in my phone. It’s a list of the things I know I want in a partner and the things I know I no longer want to compromise on. As I read through it, something hit me.

That list isn’t really about a man.

It’s about me.

It’s about the woman I’ve become, the life I’ve built, and the lessons I had to learn to get here.

Every line on that list has a story behind it. Every single one.

Not because someone hurt me or because I’ve become bitter, but because life has a funny way of teaching you what actually matters.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that people come into our lives for all kinds of reasons. Some stay, some leave, and some simply leave us with a lesson. When I look back, I don’t see wasted time. I see clarity. Every experience has taught me a little more about myself, about relationships, and about the kind of life I want to build.

For the longest time, I thought love meant making things work. If there was chemistry, I believed the rest would fall into place. If our lives looked different, I figured we’d eventually meet somewhere in the middle. Looking back, I realize I spent a lot of time focusing on what could be instead of paying attention to what already was.

Today, I still believe people can grow.

I hope I never stop growing myself.

I believe the right relationship should inspire both people to become better versions of themselves. We all have room to improve. We all have things we can learn from each other. Maybe someone learns to communicate better. Maybe they become more intentional. Maybe they discover a love for traveling because they finally have someone they want to experience life with. Maybe their faith deepens because they’re walking alongside someone who encourages it.

Growth is a beautiful thing.

But over time, I’ve also learned there’s a difference between growth and compatibility.

There’s a difference between habits and values.

Between learning something new and changing who you are at your core.

I can’t expect someone to suddenly value family if they’ve never believed family was important.

I can’t expect someone to become ambitious if they’re comfortable staying exactly where they are.

I can’t expect someone to wake up one day and enjoy making memories, celebrating birthdays, gathering for holidays, or spending quality time together if those things have never mattered to them.

Could they?

Maybe.

But I’ve learned not to build my future around “maybe.”

That’s probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned.

I don’t want to fall in love with someone’s potential while ignoring the person standing in front of me.

I want to appreciate people for exactly who they are, and if who they are naturally aligns with the life I’m building, that’s something worth exploring.

If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.

Not every good person is my person.

I’ve also realized I don’t want to rescue anyone anymore. I’ve always been someone who encourages people. I love cheering others on, believing in them, and reminding them of what they’re capable of. That’s part of who I am, and I hope it always is.

But I’ve learned that encouragement and responsibility are two different things.

It’s not my job to carry someone until they’re ready for the life they say they want.

I want a partner, not a project.

I’ve become much more aware of reciprocity too. Not because I keep score, but because effort reveals intention. If I’m always the one making the plans, getting in my car, rearranging my schedule, or wondering when I’ll hear from someone again, eventually I have to ask myself whether we’re building a relationship together or if I’m simply trying to fit into someone else’s life.

That’s not the kind of love I want.

I’ve worked hard to build a life that brings me peace. I’ve worked hard in my career. I’ve spent years raising my children, and now they’re adults. For the first time in a long time, I’m in a season where life has a little more freedom. I can enjoy a spontaneous weekend away, dinner on a Friday night, a day on the boat, or simply sitting outside with family talking for hours.

I’ve earned this season of my life.

I want someone who’s excited to enjoy it with me.

Someone who values experiences over excuses.

Someone who enjoys family, takes care of himself, has passions of his own, and has built a life he’s proud of, not because I need him to have those things, but because I’ve realized how beautiful it is when two people are already walking in the same direction.

If you had asked me years ago what I wanted in a partner, my answer would’ve been much shorter.

Today it’s longer, not because I’ve become more demanding, but because I’ve become more aware.

Aware of what gives me peace.

Aware of what quietly takes it away.

Aware of the difference between chemistry and compatibility.

Aware that some things can absolutely grow, while others are simply part of who we are.

Maybe that’s the greatest gift time has given me.

It didn’t make me cynical.

It made me discerning.

I still believe in love.

I still believe in romance.

I still believe the right person will challenge me, help me grow, and bring out even better parts of me that I haven’t discovered yet.

But I also believe the foundation has to be there first.

Shared values.

Shared respect.

Shared effort.

A shared vision for the kind of life we both want to build.

Everything else, we can grow together.

And maybe that’s what the list in my phone has been trying to remind me all along.

It was never a list of impossible expectations.

It was simply a reflection of the life I’ve built, the woman I’ve become, and the kind of partnership that would allow us both to keep growing, side by side.

Posted in inner peace, inspiration, life, life experience, Uncategorized

I Stopped Carrying Everything

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

There’s been a shift in me lately.

My mind is quieter.

Not because life suddenly got easier. It didn’t. I still have problems, deadlines, responsibilities, and moments that test me. But somewhere along the way, I stopped believing that every thought deserved my attention.

I let thoughts come, and I let them go.

I think that’s one of the gifts of getting older, if you’re willing to learn from what life has been trying to teach you all along. You start realizing that forcing things rarely brings peace. Controlling every outcome is exhausting. And sometimes the greatest act of faith is simply letting go.

Every morning on my drive to work, I pray the Rosary.

I’m Catholic, and for me it isn’t about asking for things. It’s become my time for peace. It’s my way of grounding myself before the day begins. It reminds me that I’m not carrying everything alone. It helps me surrender the things that were never mine to control in the first place.

It has become my daily reset.

I used to spend so much time replaying conversations, worrying about outcomes, trying to solve every problem before it even existed. If something went wrong, I’d carry it with me all day.

Now, when a problem comes, I acknowledge it. I absorb it. If there’s a solution, I find it. If there isn’t, I accept that too.

Because I’ve learned that not every problem has an immediate answer.

Not every situation is mine to fix.

And not every burden belongs on my shoulders.

That realization has changed me.

I’ve also learned to enjoy my own company.

For a long time, I expected other people to make me feel important, chosen, or prioritized. Then one day I realized something that was hard to admit:

I wasn’t prioritizing myself.

Why was I expecting someone else to do what I wasn’t willing to do for myself?

That was a turning point.

Now I choose the things that bring me peace. I still work out, but not because I’m chasing a certain body anymore. I do it because it clears my mind. If my body needs sleep instead of a 5 a.m. workout, I sleep. The gym will still be there that evening.

I’ve stopped living by rigid rules that I created for myself.

Ironically, the less I’ve tried to control every detail, the more peaceful I’ve become.

Someone once said that expectations are the thief of joy.

I think there’s a lot of truth in that.

So much of my anxiety came from believing life had to unfold a certain way. That people had to respond a certain way. That relationships had to look a certain way. That plans had to happen on my timeline.

But that’s not my job.

My job is to show up. To do my best. To love well. To have faith. To solve what I can, release what I can’t, and trust that what’s meant for me doesn’t require me to force it.

I’m learning to exhale more.

To trust more.

To enjoy the life that’s happening instead of constantly trying to rearrange it.

And somewhere in all of that…

I found peace.

Posted in life, life experience, love

You Don’t Even Know My Favorite Color

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m old-fashioned or if dating has genuinely changed that much. Maybe it’s a little of both.

For most of my adult life, dating wasn’t really at the forefront. I was raising children, building a career, paying bills, and trying to navigate whatever life decided to throw at me next. Sure, I dated here and there. I had one long, serious relationship. But if I’m being honest, my focus was somewhere else.

Now my children are adults, and for the first time in a very long time, I actually have room in my life for someone.

Not because I need someone.

Not because I’m looking for someone to save me.

And not because I’m sitting around dreaming about getting married or moving someone into my house.

I simply think it would be nice to have a person.

Someone to grab dinner with. Someone to go to concerts with. Someone to take a spontaneous weekend trip with. Someone I can call when something funny happens on the drive home from work. Not necessarily every day, because I’ve never been the type that needs constant communication, but someone who is my go-to person and for whom I am theirs.

The older I get, the more I realize that’s really what I’m looking for. Connection. Companionship. Someone to experience life with.

What surprises me is how difficult that seems to be.

Lately it feels like every conversation skips about ten chapters.

I meet someone. We exchange messages. Things seem normal. We talk about work, family, hobbies, maybe where we’re from. Then somehow, before they know anything meaningful about me, the conversation takes a hard left turn toward intimacy.

And every single time it happens, I have the same thought:

You don’t even know my favorite color.

How are we already here?

The funny thing is that I’m not a prude. Not even close. I’m a grown woman. I understand attraction. I understand chemistry. I understand that intimacy is an important part of a relationship. I don’t deny that at all.

What confuses me is why it seems to have become the starting point instead of something that develops naturally after people get to know one another.

The other day I had two separate interactions that left me scratching my head.

One was with a friend. Not even someone I was dating. Someone I’ve known, talked to, and genuinely enjoyed spending time with. Out of nowhere, the conversation crossed a line I wasn’t expecting. I remember sitting there thinking, “Wait… where did that come from?”

Then later that same day, a mutual friend added me on social media. The conversation started simple enough. We had mutual connections, he seemed familiar, and everything felt normal. Within no time at all, the conversation had turned into discussing all the things he would eventually like to do.

Eventually?

Sir, we haven’t even established whether I like pineapple on pizza.

By the end of the day I found myself wondering if this is just what dating has become.

Maybe my algorithm is listening to me. Maybe social media has me convinced everyone is experiencing the same thing. But when I scroll through my feed, I see countless people talking about modern dating, hookup culture, situationships, ghosting, and the frustration of trying to find something meaningful in a world that often seems more interested in instant gratification.

And maybe that’s what I’m struggling with.

Not that people want intimacy.

Not that attraction exists.

Not even that people have different goals.

It’s that curiosity seems to have disappeared.

Whatever happened to wanting to know someone?

What makes them laugh?

What they’ve been through?

What they care about?

What kind of life they’ve built?

What they’re afraid of?

What they’re hopeful for?

When did we stop being interested in discovering people and start trying to fast-forward to the ending?

For a long time, I would entertain those conversations even when they made me uncomfortable. Not because I wanted to have them, but because I was trying to be polite. I didn’t want to seem judgmental or uptight. I told myself maybe this was just how dating worked now.

The problem is that every time I ignored that little voice telling me something felt off, I ended up exactly where I didn’t want to be.

In situationships.

In confusion.

In relationships that never seemed to move forward.

In connections where there was plenty of chemistry but very little intention.

At some point I had to acknowledge that continuing to participate in something that wasn’t aligned with what I wanted wasn’t doing me any favors.

There’s a saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If I know I want something substantial, why would I continue entertaining conversations that immediately move away from that?

The truth is, those interactions no longer fulfill me.

Maybe ten years ago I would’ve viewed them differently. Maybe I would’ve laughed them off. Maybe I would’ve convinced myself they weren’t a big deal.

Today they feel exhausting.

What makes me sad is that I don’t think most people actually want less connection. I think they want more. I think most people genuinely want companionship, loyalty, support, and someone to share life with. Yet somewhere along the way, many of us became convinced that the quickest way to connection is through physical intimacy, when in reality the strongest connections I’ve ever experienced were built through trust, friendship, vulnerability, and time.

I still believe good people exist.

I still believe there are men who value getting to know a woman before trying to sleep with her.

I still believe there are people looking for something real.

What I struggle with sometimes is finding those people in the middle of all the noise.

Maybe I am old-fashioned.

Maybe I missed the memo.

Or maybe wanting someone to know my heart before discussing my body isn’t old-fashioned at all.

Maybe it’s exactly the kind of connection I’ve been looking for all along.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that if we’re discussing intimacy before you know my favorite color, we’re probably moving a little too fast.