Category: love

Posted in life, life experience, love

You Don’t Even Know My Favorite Color

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m old-fashioned or if dating has genuinely changed that much. Maybe it’s a little of both.

For most of my adult life, dating wasn’t really at the forefront. I was raising children, building a career, paying bills, and trying to navigate whatever life decided to throw at me next. Sure, I dated here and there. I had one long, serious relationship. But if I’m being honest, my focus was somewhere else.

Now my children are adults, and for the first time in a very long time, I actually have room in my life for someone.

Not because I need someone.

Not because I’m looking for someone to save me.

And not because I’m sitting around dreaming about getting married or moving someone into my house.

I simply think it would be nice to have a person.

Someone to grab dinner with. Someone to go to concerts with. Someone to take a spontaneous weekend trip with. Someone I can call when something funny happens on the drive home from work. Not necessarily every day, because I’ve never been the type that needs constant communication, but someone who is my go-to person and for whom I am theirs.

The older I get, the more I realize that’s really what I’m looking for. Connection. Companionship. Someone to experience life with.

What surprises me is how difficult that seems to be.

Lately it feels like every conversation skips about ten chapters.

I meet someone. We exchange messages. Things seem normal. We talk about work, family, hobbies, maybe where we’re from. Then somehow, before they know anything meaningful about me, the conversation takes a hard left turn toward intimacy.

And every single time it happens, I have the same thought:

You don’t even know my favorite color.

How are we already here?

The funny thing is that I’m not a prude. Not even close. I’m a grown woman. I understand attraction. I understand chemistry. I understand that intimacy is an important part of a relationship. I don’t deny that at all.

What confuses me is why it seems to have become the starting point instead of something that develops naturally after people get to know one another.

The other day I had two separate interactions that left me scratching my head.

One was with a friend. Not even someone I was dating. Someone I’ve known, talked to, and genuinely enjoyed spending time with. Out of nowhere, the conversation crossed a line I wasn’t expecting. I remember sitting there thinking, “Wait… where did that come from?”

Then later that same day, a mutual friend added me on social media. The conversation started simple enough. We had mutual connections, he seemed familiar, and everything felt normal. Within no time at all, the conversation had turned into discussing all the things he would eventually like to do.

Eventually?

Sir, we haven’t even established whether I like pineapple on pizza.

By the end of the day I found myself wondering if this is just what dating has become.

Maybe my algorithm is listening to me. Maybe social media has me convinced everyone is experiencing the same thing. But when I scroll through my feed, I see countless people talking about modern dating, hookup culture, situationships, ghosting, and the frustration of trying to find something meaningful in a world that often seems more interested in instant gratification.

And maybe that’s what I’m struggling with.

Not that people want intimacy.

Not that attraction exists.

Not even that people have different goals.

It’s that curiosity seems to have disappeared.

Whatever happened to wanting to know someone?

What makes them laugh?

What they’ve been through?

What they care about?

What kind of life they’ve built?

What they’re afraid of?

What they’re hopeful for?

When did we stop being interested in discovering people and start trying to fast-forward to the ending?

For a long time, I would entertain those conversations even when they made me uncomfortable. Not because I wanted to have them, but because I was trying to be polite. I didn’t want to seem judgmental or uptight. I told myself maybe this was just how dating worked now.

The problem is that every time I ignored that little voice telling me something felt off, I ended up exactly where I didn’t want to be.

In situationships.

In confusion.

In relationships that never seemed to move forward.

In connections where there was plenty of chemistry but very little intention.

At some point I had to acknowledge that continuing to participate in something that wasn’t aligned with what I wanted wasn’t doing me any favors.

There’s a saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If I know I want something substantial, why would I continue entertaining conversations that immediately move away from that?

The truth is, those interactions no longer fulfill me.

Maybe ten years ago I would’ve viewed them differently. Maybe I would’ve laughed them off. Maybe I would’ve convinced myself they weren’t a big deal.

Today they feel exhausting.

What makes me sad is that I don’t think most people actually want less connection. I think they want more. I think most people genuinely want companionship, loyalty, support, and someone to share life with. Yet somewhere along the way, many of us became convinced that the quickest way to connection is through physical intimacy, when in reality the strongest connections I’ve ever experienced were built through trust, friendship, vulnerability, and time.

I still believe good people exist.

I still believe there are men who value getting to know a woman before trying to sleep with her.

I still believe there are people looking for something real.

What I struggle with sometimes is finding those people in the middle of all the noise.

Maybe I am old-fashioned.

Maybe I missed the memo.

Or maybe wanting someone to know my heart before discussing my body isn’t old-fashioned at all.

Maybe it’s exactly the kind of connection I’ve been looking for all along.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that if we’re discussing intimacy before you know my favorite color, we’re probably moving a little too fast.

Posted in life, life experience, love, Self Improvement

I Think I Finally Understand What I Need

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Sometimes the most important conversations happen over a simple glass of wine with someone who knows you better than almost anyone else in the world.

My brother and I were sitting there talking about life, relationships, marriage, and the people we’ve loved throughout the years. We started talking about his past relationships, and I remember saying something that I genuinely believe is true:

There’s really nothing wrong with most people. Some people just aren’t meant for you.

There’s an old saying that there’s “an ass for every seat,” and honestly, as funny as it sounds, there’s truth to it. The qualities that may completely drain one person might be exactly what someone else is looking for.

Some people want a relationship that’s deeply intentional. They want plans. Effort. Consistency. Growth. They want partnership in every sense of the word.

Other people want freedom. Spontaneity. A “we’ll figure it out later” kind of life. They want someone who doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t need structure, and is perfectly happy floating through life one day at a time.

Neither person is wrong.

They’re just wrong for each other.

And somehow that conversation turned toward me.

I started talking about my last relationship. Three years with someone I still think is one of the kindest human beings I’ve ever met. Truly. He was good to me. There was no cheating scandal, no toxicity, no dramatic ending.

And then my brother interrupted me.

He said, “But he didn’t elevate you.”

I sat there quietly for a second because the truth hit me immediately.

He continued, “You got bored because he wasn’t pushing himself to grow, and he wasn’t pushing you to grow either.”

And honestly? That changed something in me.

Because when I really thought about it, I realized that throughout my life, I’ve always been the motivator in relationships. I’ve been the cheerleader. The one pushing people toward more. Encouraging them to dream bigger, do better, become more.

But very few people have ever done that for me.

I don’t say that arrogantly. I say it honestly.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to become a better version of myself. Not because I need to compete with anyone else, but because growth fulfills me. I like learning. I like evolving. I like proving to myself that I can reach new levels mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and professionally.

That mindset is what allowed me to build a career, raise two amazing kids, carry responsibilities that would crush some people, and still wake up every morning wanting more out of life.

Not more money.

More purpose.
More growth.
More life.

And I’ve realized something difficult but necessary:

I can no longer connect deeply with complacency.

Some people are perfectly content staying exactly where they are forever. And honestly, that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with that.

But those people are not my people.

What drains me isn’t supporting someone. I love supporting people. What drains me is carrying someone who has no desire to carry themselves.

At some point in several relationships, I stopped feeling like a partner and started feeling like the engine. The motivator. The emotional support system. The planner. The encourager. The person constantly pouring energy outward while nobody was pouring back into me.

And eventually something always happened:
The moment I needed time for myself, time to refocus, level up, think, train harder, work harder, grow more, suddenly it became a threat.

Suddenly it turned into insecurity.

“You’re going to meet someone else.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“You’re changing.”

No.
I was growing.

And there’s a difference.

The right people won’t be intimidated by your growth.
They’ll be inspired by it.
They’ll match it.
They’ll add to it.

That conversation with my brother made me realize that dating intentionally has less to do with finding someone attractive, successful, or charming, and more to do with finding someone aligned.

Someone who wants more out of life too.
Someone who refuses to stay stagnant.
Someone who believes growth never stops.
Someone who understands that love should feel like expansion, not limitation.

I don’t need someone to rescue me.
I’ve built a beautiful life on my own.

But if someone is going to stand beside me, they need to add to my life, not drain it. Together we should be stronger next year than we are today. Healthier. Happier. More evolved. More grounded.

That’s the kind of relationship I want now.

And honestly, maybe that conversation was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time.

Because as this new week starts, I’m refocusing again.

Refocusing on my health.
My mindset.
My goals.
My discipline.
My future.
My peace.

And maybe most importantly, refocusing on the kind of energy I allow into my life.

I want people around me who elevate me.
People who challenge me.
People who inspire me.
People who are just as hungry for growth mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually as I am.

Because I’ve finally realized something important:

Love alone is not enough if the relationship costs you your growth.

Posted in life experience, love

It’s Me Again, May Has a Way of Doing This

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

There’s something about May.

Every year around this time, I feel it creeping in. Not loneliness, not exactly. It’s more like a quiet craving. A reminder. A pull toward companionship. The kind that doesn’t feel heavy or forced, just right.

And I think it hits harder now because I know what I want.

Not in a checklist kind of way. In a clarity kind of way.

I don’t want someone to complete me. I’ve done the work to build a life I’m proud of. I’m financially stable. I have my routine, my peace, my independence. I’m not looking to be saved, and I’m definitely not looking to carry someone else either.

I just want someone who fits into this life.

Someone who wants me in their life, not needs me to be their entire world.

Because if I’m honest, what I keep running into is one extreme or the other. It’s either the guy who wants to merge lives immediately, where suddenly there’s no space to breathe, or the one who’s so detached you’re left wondering if you even exist to them.

And I’m over both.

There has to be a middle. There has to be someone who knows how to show up and still stand on their own.

Someone who has their own life, their own responsibilities, their own sense of self, but still wants to share moments.

Simple moments.

Like today. A perfect Florida day. The kind that makes you want to be near the water, feel the sun, maybe hop on a boat, maybe go fishing, maybe just exist outside with someone whose energy feels easy.

That’s what I want.

Not complicated. Not intense. Not forced.

Just good.

I think about the kind of life I started building years ago, before life did what life does and things changed. And it’s not about going backward, it’s about recognizing that I’m still someone who wants to share life like that again.

With the right person.

Someone around my age. Someone who takes care of himself. And I’m going to say this plainly because I’ve learned not to dance around it, I want a man who values his health. Who moves his body. Who cares how he shows up in the world.

Not a gym obsessed, three hours a day, nothing else going on type.

But someone who gets it.

Someone who understands why I go to the gym, why I value feeling good, being active, staying strong, not just physically, but mentally too.

I want a partner I can live life with, not someone I have to drag along or slow down for.

And yes, attraction matters. Chemistry matters. Energy matters. That doesn’t make me shallow, it makes me honest.

At this point in my life, I’m not interested in forcing something that doesn’t feel natural.

I’m also not interested in pretending I don’t want a relationship.

Because I do.

I just want one that feels free.

Where I can be me. He can be him. And we choose each other without losing ourselves in the process.

A relationship where we add to each other’s lives, not take over them.

And I don’t think it’s too much to ask for the right person.

Not perfect. Not some fantasy.

Just right for me.

So here I am, in May again, feeling it, acknowledging it, and being honest about it.

I’m open.

But I’m not settling.

Posted in divorce, inspiration, life, life experience, love, Self Improvement

Practiced for Years, Perfected in 2025: A Full Circle Moment

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

As 2025 came to a close and 2026 began, we experienced something I never thought would fully come full circle, ending one year and beginning another together, peacefully, after years of putting our children first.

Over the years, my children’s father, their stepmom, and I have spent a lot of time together as a blended family. We’ve sat side by side at games, shared 2025 Father’s Day, celebrated milestones, and shown up when it mattered. There was never open conflict, but true emotional ease took time to develop, and if I’m being honest, there was a period where I showed up for my kids even when, internally, it didn’t feel completely comfortable yet. We did what needed to be done because it was right, even while peace was still growing.

For the first time ever, I rang in the New Year together, with my children’s father, their stepmom, their brothers, family friends, my children, and my own family, all in one place, on one night, under one roof.

What surprised me most wasn’t the gathering itself.
It was how calm it felt.

There was no anxiety. No discomfort. No feeling like I had to brace myself emotionally. I felt at home. I felt like I belonged, not just as a mother, but as part of the larger world my children live in.

As we were leaving that night, my youngest son, now 20 years old, said something I will never forget:

“Mom, today was great. This is the first New Year’s I can remember where I didn’t have to stop at midnight to call one of my parents.”

His father and I divorced when he was two, and his brother was three. Hearing that made me realize something profound: this moment wasn’t just about us, it was about years of choices finally coming full circle.

If there’s one thing my children’s father and I should truly be proud of, it’s this, we never used our kids against each other.

No matter what we were navigating personally, we always shared the important days. Holidays, birthdays, milestones, we made sure neither of us missed out. Our feelings never outweighed what was best for our children.

Was it always easy? Absolutely not.

There were moments early on when we couldn’t even look at each other. But even then, the common ground remained the same: the well-being of our kids came first.

I never spoke poorly about their father to them.
He never spoke poorly about me.

If there was a punishment in one house, it stood in the other. Respect didn’t change depending on which parent they were with. Our boys learned consistency, accountability, and respect, no matter where they were.

Looking back, I realize how rare that is.

So often, separation turns a child’s world into a battlefield. Adults get lost in their own pain, their own narratives, and forget how deeply children feel the tension, even when it’s unspoken.

I don’t believe people should stay together if they are unhappy. But I do believe that if you choose to part ways, you owe it to your children to make their world as peaceful as possible within your capacity.

I’m also grateful for the role my children’s stepmom has played. Stepping into a parenting role for children that aren’t biologically yours isn’t easy. I’m sure she has her own reflections, things she wishes she did differently and things she’s proud of. I know I do too.

There were times in my life when step-parent dynamics felt like a competition. But now, with my children grown and perspective gained, I see it clearly:

We all fit in their lives at the same time.
Each of us holds an important place.

No, this wasn’t the life I imagined when I was young. No one gets married expecting divorce or blended family complexities. But given the circumstances, I can honestly say, we did good.

And I’m grateful that 2025 ended in a way that felt like closure.

Because for the first time in their lives, my children welcomed a new year with both parents under the same roof, without animosity, without tension—just love, respect, and blended family togetherness that felt seamless.

That felt like peace.
And that felt like winning.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love, Self Improvement

Maybe It’s Me, And I’m Finally Ok With That

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Earlier today, a coworker casually asked me about my recent dating experience. Without overthinking it, I said what I’ve said before: he was too needy.

She smiled and said, “You know… you said the same thing about the last person you dated.”

I laughed. But this time, instead of brushing it off, I paused. And for the first time, I said out loud, “Maybe it’s me.”

That thought stayed with me longer than I expected. So later, out of curiosity, I decided to look inward instead of outward. I asked myself, and yes, ChatGPT, what kind of attachment style I actually have.

Because here’s the truth: I genuinely love love. I love the beginning of a connection. I love meeting someone new, the conversations that flow easily, the curiosity, the excitement of learning someone’s mind. That stage feels light, fun, alive.

But there’s a very specific moment when something shifts for me.

It’s when the connection stops feeling like two people choosing each other and starts feeling like someone attaching themselves to me emotionally. When all of my time is suddenly expected. When from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I feel like I have to be “on.” When my life quietly becomes someone else’s routine.

That’s when I feel myself pulling back.

I don’t find it romantic when someone doesn’t have a full life of their own. When their interests fade, their world shrinks, and everything begins to revolve around me. Instead of feeling desired, I feel responsible. Instead of feeling connected, I feel drained. And if I’m being honest, it becomes deeply unattractive to me.

What surprised me most is that this doesn’t come from fear. I’m not afraid of intimacy. I don’t avoid closeness. What I avoid is enmeshment.

The attachment style that best describes me is often referred to as secure-avoidant, someone who values emotional connection but also deeply values autonomy. Someone who wants love, but not at the cost of losing themselves. Someone who thrives in relationships where closeness is intentional, not automatic.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized this isn’t limited to romantic relationships at all.

I’ve never been the person who needs to see the same friend every single day. I’ve had the same close circle of friends my entire life, but I’ve always valued space. Even with family, whom I adore, I can happily spend a day or two together, but by the third day, I crave time alone. Not because I don’t love them, but because that’s how I stay grounded in who I am.

That’s just my nature.

What I’ve come to understand is that I haven’t yet found someone whose rhythm truly matches mine, someone who enjoys their own company, has their own passions, their own routines, their own inner world. Someone who doesn’t need me to fill every space, but still chooses to share space with me.

I don’t want distance.
I don’t want constant closeness either.

I want balance.

I want a relationship where two independent people walk alongside each other, not one person becoming the other’s entire world. I want connection without pressure, love without obligation, and intimacy that feels chosen every day, not assumed.

So maybe it is me.

And maybe that doesn’t mean something is wrong.

Maybe it just means I know myself now.