It’s Me Again, May Has a Way of Doing This

There’s something about May.

Every year around this time, I feel it creeping in. Not loneliness, not exactly. It’s more like a quiet craving. A reminder. A pull toward companionship. The kind that doesn’t feel heavy or forced, just right.

And I think it hits harder now because I know what I want.

Not in a checklist kind of way. In a clarity kind of way.

I don’t want someone to complete me. I’ve done the work to build a life I’m proud of. I’m financially stable. I have my routine, my peace, my independence. I’m not looking to be saved, and I’m definitely not looking to carry someone else either.

I just want someone who fits into this life.

Someone who wants me in their life, not needs me to be their entire world.

Because if I’m honest, what I keep running into is one extreme or the other. It’s either the guy who wants to merge lives immediately, where suddenly there’s no space to breathe, or the one who’s so detached you’re left wondering if you even exist to them.

And I’m over both.

There has to be a middle. There has to be someone who knows how to show up and still stand on their own.

Someone who has their own life, their own responsibilities, their own sense of self, but still wants to share moments.

Simple moments.

Like today. A perfect Florida day. The kind that makes you want to be near the water, feel the sun, maybe hop on a boat, maybe go fishing, maybe just exist outside with someone whose energy feels easy.

That’s what I want.

Not complicated. Not intense. Not forced.

Just good.

I think about the kind of life I started building years ago, before life did what life does and things changed. And it’s not about going backward, it’s about recognizing that I’m still someone who wants to share life like that again.

With the right person.

Someone around my age. Someone who takes care of himself. And I’m going to say this plainly because I’ve learned not to dance around it, I want a man who values his health. Who moves his body. Who cares how he shows up in the world.

Not a gym obsessed, three hours a day, nothing else going on type.

But someone who gets it.

Someone who understands why I go to the gym, why I value feeling good, being active, staying strong, not just physically, but mentally too.

I want a partner I can live life with, not someone I have to drag along or slow down for.

And yes, attraction matters. Chemistry matters. Energy matters. That doesn’t make me shallow, it makes me honest.

At this point in my life, I’m not interested in forcing something that doesn’t feel natural.

I’m also not interested in pretending I don’t want a relationship.

Because I do.

I just want one that feels free.

Where I can be me. He can be him. And we choose each other without losing ourselves in the process.

A relationship where we add to each other’s lives, not take over them.

And I don’t think it’s too much to ask for the right person.

Not perfect. Not some fantasy.

Just right for me.

So here I am, in May again, feeling it, acknowledging it, and being honest about it.

I’m open.

But I’m not settling.