A few months ago, I sat here crying, writing openly about my loneliness. I was frustrated with being alone. I wanted companionship. I wanted someone who wanted to be with me, consistently, intentionally, fully.
Then, right on time as the year began to wind down, I met someone in early November.
At first, it felt good. He was kind, attentive, loving. But things moved quickly, too quickly. Conversations shifted to living together, marriage, forever. And instead of feeling excited, I felt trapped. I felt suffocated. His world began to revolve around mine, and in that process, I realized something important about myself: I deeply value my time, my individuality, my routine.
I love companionship, but not at the expense of myself.
What I want, when God’s timing is right, is someone who mirrors me in the ways that matter. Someone ambitious. Someone who loves themselves. Someone who values independence, family, and friendships of their own. I don’t want to be the center of someone’s universe, because for someone like me, that’s overwhelming and exhausting.
I know I hurt him by ending it, and that wasn’t easy. But I had to be honest. I couldn’t love him the way he needed to be loved, and I didn’t want to be loved at the intensity he was offering. And that’s okay. It doesn’t make either of us wrong, it simply means we weren’t right for each other.
So I close this year alone, by choice, and at peace with it.
The loneliness that once felt deafening is gone. And I’m grateful that God allowed me to experience what I had been begging for, if only briefly, so I could understand why it hadn’t come sooner. What is meant for me won’t make me feel anxious, trapped, or small.
I don’t know what 2026 will bring in terms of partnership. But I do know this: it will be a year of movement, growth, and deeper self-love. And I’m genuinely looking forward to that.
Affirmation Of Visions 