Tag: writing

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, Self Improvement

I’ve Never Trusted Whirlwind Anything

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

I’ve never been one to trust whirlwind anything.

And no, this doesn’t mean I’m closed off, cold, or incapable of connection. I’m actually very social. I’m friendly, warm, and I genuinely enjoy meeting new people. I’ll walk into a room, engage, listen, laugh, and connect. But I’ve always been someone who warms up rather than dives in headfirst.

What I’ve learned about myself is this: the faster someone attaches to me, whether it’s intense praise, instant closeness, or declarations of how “special” I am, the more uncomfortable I become. Not flattered. Not excited. Uncomfortable.

There’s something about immediate admiration or fast emotional attachment that doesn’t sit right with me. When someone decides very quickly that I’m their person, their best friend, or the answer they’ve been searching for, I don’t feel chosen, I feel rushed. And rushed decisions, in any area of my life, have never been my style.

Sure, there’s a moment at the beginning where the attention can feel good. Who wouldn’t enjoy being admired? But that feeling fades quickly for me, replaced by a quiet instinct that says: You don’t know me yet.

And that’s the part that matters.

I recently talked to someone for a short time. He was kind, attentive, and genuinely a good person. There was nothing “wrong” with him. But the pace, the whirlwind of emotion, intensity, and certainty, turned me off almost immediately. Not because he was bad, but because it was too fast to be real for me.

I believe certain things take time. I want to be known, not idealized. I want someone to see my moods, my boundaries, my routines, my flaws, and my independence before deciding I’m the one they’ve been waiting for. Anything else feels like someone falling in love with an idea of me rather than the person I actually am.

Maybe this is a defense mechanism. Maybe it’s wisdom earned through experience. Or maybe it’s simply self-awareness.

I know this much: you don’t truly know how you feel about someone in the beginning. You only know the version they present and the version of yourself you choose to show. Depth comes later. Reality comes later. And I prefer to make decisions when reality, not excitement, is leading.

I’m calculated in all areas of my life. I don’t make rash choices. I sit with things. I observe. I reflect. And yes, that same approach applies to relationships. For me, slow doesn’t mean disinterested. It means intentional.

So I wonder, how do others feel about this?
Is moving slowly a flaw, or is it simply choosing substance over speed?

Because for me, real connection has never been about how fast it starts, but about how steady it lasts.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience

Choosing Presence

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Today marks day three of a quiet but powerful decision I made as this year began: to live with intention.

For most of my life, I’ve lived ahead of time. My mind has often rushed forward, planning, anticipating, worrying about moments that haven’t arrived yet. Somewhere along the way, that habit turned into anxiety. A few weeks before the year ended, a simple truth settled into me: faith and fear cannot coexist equally. Neither can faith and anxiety. One always dominates the other.

And the only place faith can truly live is in the present.

So I started journaling at night. Not to analyze my future or solve tomorrow’s problems, but to reflect. I write what happened during the day, then I write how I felt about it. That’s all. No projections. No what-ifs. Just what was, and what is. That small shift has been grounding in a way I didn’t expect, it gently pulls me out of my head and back into the moment I’m actually living.

This morning, I woke up with that familiar tightness, subtle anxiety, no clear reason why. Instead of spiraling, I reminded myself of my intention: stay present. Live today as it unfolds. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t force structure. I simply allowed the day to be.

And it was beautiful.

As I reflected tonight, I realized how effortlessly the day flowed. I enjoyed every piece of it. What struck me most was recognizing that there was a time in my life when a day like this would have overwhelmed me. A time when being exactly where I was, surrounded by the people I was with, would have triggered anxiety instead of peace. Back then, this moment would have felt heavy.

Today, it felt light. Easy. Free.

That’s why 2026 excites me, not because I know what’s coming, but because I know how I’m choosing to experience it. If life has always managed to work out even when my heart carried anxiety, I can only imagine how much more aligned it will feel now that I’ve made a conscious decision to stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet.

One day, I’ll read back on these journal entries and see the growth I can’t fully measure right now. I don’t know where life will take me, but I do know this:

January 3, 2026 was a genuinely beautiful day.
And I’m grateful I honored it with intention.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, Self Improvement

Writing My Way Back to Myself

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Many people would probably find this hard to believe, especially knowing that I’ve spent over 20 years in payroll, benefits, and various realms of accounting. I’ve built an entire adult career around numbers, systems, and structure. But at my core, I’ve always been a writer.

When I was a little girl, my dream wasn’t spreadsheets or reconciliations, it was words. I went to FIU and studied journalism, with a minor in marketing. I wanted to write for newspapers, to tell big stories, to be part of the news. Looking back now, and seeing where the news industry has gone, I can honestly say I’m not upset that life had other plans for me.

Life happened. I got married. I got divorced. I needed stability. Jobs required business degrees, finance, accounting, human resources, so I walked back into school, changed my major, and moved forward with a different path. And I won’t say I regret it. I genuinely enjoy what I do, especially now working more closely with benefits and having opportunities to support employees directly. I’m good at my job, and I take pride in that.

But I’d be lying if I said I never wonder.
I wonder where life might have gone had I given writing the same dedication I gave my career. Writing has always been there, quietly. I’ve kept blogs for years, writing my thoughts, my stories, my challenges, my growth. Not for an audience. Most people don’t even know they exist. But somehow, writing has always helped me reflect, to look back and realize that I did survive, that I did overcome.

In a way, I’ve become a life blogger,not for money, not for likes, but for myself.

2025 has been a year of reflection. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I do what I do professionally to provide, to put food on the table, to be responsible. But something in me is asking for more, something creative, something meaningful. Not just for me, but for others too.

I want to help people who feel stuck. People who feel like they’re drowning. Sometimes I want to say, “Stand up, you’re in one foot of water. I promise you, it’s going to be okay.” I see people hiding behind excuses, and all I want to tell them is: you’ve got this. Everything you need to save yourself is already inside you.

I recently shared on LinkedIn about journaling and blogging, about how writing allows you to connect the dots backward and finally understand why certain things had to happen. That perspective changes everything.

So I’ve decided I’m going to write again. I’m going to share more.

For me, 2026 will be intentional. Not in the cliché, New Year’s resolution kind of way,but in a way where every day holds meaning. Every day will be written in gratitude, even through struggle, even through worry. And when my thoughts feel worthy of being shared, I’ll share them.
The most interesting part? This isn’t about money. It never has been.

This is about finally giving life to the one part of me I’ve kept quiet for too long. Writing is the thing I love most, the thing I suppressed while I focused on survival and responsibility. And now, I finally know what I want to write about. I finally feel excited to share.

This next chapter isn’t about surviving anymore, it’s about living, with intention, and showing my children what it looks like to honor who you truly are.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love

Everything but One Thing

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Some nights carry a heaviness that no amount of success or self-love can lift. Not because life is broken, but because a very specific piece of it is missing. And that piece matters more than most people realize.

I’m content with what I’ve built. I’ve worked hard, raised two incredible sons, and created a life that makes sense on the outside. Financially, I’m stable. I’ve carved out a career that I enjoy, surrounded by good people. I’ve handled my responsibilities. I’ve shown up. I’ve done the work. And yet, despite all that, there’s an ache that lingers, because emotionally, romantically, intimately, I’m alone. And that absence has a way of coloring everything else.

It’s a unique kind of pain to have everything but love. To be the strong one, the capable one, the one who gets it done, but still come home to silence. It’s not the silence itself that hurts. It’s the realization that no one is thinking about you in the way you long to be thought of. That there’s no one eagerly waiting to see you. No one to share your day with. No one to plan a weekend or dream up a future.

People often say, “Just learn to love yourself. Enjoy your own company.” I have. I do. I’ve spent two decades showing up for myself. I go out to dinner alone. I treat myself well. I laugh. I lift myself when things feel heavy. But let’s be honest, being self-sufficient doesn’t erase the human desire for connection. I don’t want to be saved. I want to be seen. And I’ve never had that, not with a romantic partner.

I’ve never had someone to do life with. Never had a man who truly wanted to build something side by side. Never had someone say, “Let’s take that trip together,” and mean it. I’ve never traveled, not because I didn’t want to, but because I never had someone who wanted to experience that with me. That kind of companionship, that shared enthusiasm for life, has never found its way into my story.

I thought, by now, it would have. I thought once my boys were grown, once I had space for myself, that space would be filled by someone who understood me, someone with ambition, heart, family values, and faith. Someone steady. But here I am at 44, sitting with my dogs on a Friday night, leftovers in the fridge, no plans, and a heart that still wonders why that kind of love hasn’t come.

The other night, I couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t the kind of insomnia that comes from caffeine or stress. It was deeper. I laid there wide awake, fully aware that I wasn’t okay. And in that stillness, I did what I rarely do, I talked to God out loud.

I told Him I surrender.

Not because I’m giving up on love. But because I’m exhausted from trying to force it. Exhausted from constantly hoping today might be the day. I told Him I can’t carry the disappointment anymore. That I would rather trust His timing than keep torturing myself with expectations that never seem to be met.

Surrender, for me, isn’t about losing hope, it’s about trading it for faith. Letting go of control. Letting go of the timeline I imagined. And trying to find peace in what is, rather than what I thought should be.

Because I have done everything right. I’ve grown. I’ve healed. I’ve loved. I’ve given. I’ve created a beautiful life in so many ways. But without that connection, without that person to build and enjoy life with, it sometimes feels like all of it is missing a pulse. Like I have everything, but at the end of the day, it amounts to nothing… because there’s no one to share it with.

So tonight, I sit with the truth. I’m not bitter, but I’m not pretending anymore either. I want what I want. I deserve what I deserve. And if it’s in God’s plan, I’ll be ready to receive it. If not, I trust that my soul will carry this lesson into the next life, and maybe then, it will be my time to feel the kind of love that’s eluded me in this one.

Until then, I’ll keep showing up. Not for the hope of someone coming, but because I know my story matters, even in solitude. Because being alone doesn’t mean I’m not enough. It just means my heart still believes in something more. Quietly. Patiently. Faithfully.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love

Day 21 — A Reflection on Self-Awareness and Peace

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Today marks Day 21 in this self-reflection and self-awareness journey I’ve been on. I have the next three days off, originally intended for a trip to Boston to bring my son home from school. But life, in its beautiful unpredictability, allowed me to organize things differently. I didn’t have to go. And rather than giving those days back to work, I chose to keep them for myself. To pause. To breathe. To reflect.

It’s kind of wild when I sit and realize how much quieter the negative self-talk in my mind has become. The silence is unfamiliar but deeply welcome. I find myself okay, genuinely okay, just sitting in the lobby of life’s waiting room, not knowing what’s next, but no longer consumed by the uncertainty. There’s a peace in being present that I never used to feel.

I’ve been journaling a lot. And while I’m not going to pretend these reflective days are void of anxiety, there’s something magical in rereading past entries. I flip back a few days and see my own words, full of fear, doubt, or spiraling thoughts, and I realize how much of it was self-fabricated. Stories I told myself that never actually happened. Worries that never materialized. Reactions I didn’t need to have.

There’s one particular shift I’m proud of: instead of voicing every anxious thought to the person I’m dating or venting to my mom, who, as a parent, just ends up carrying my worry like it’s her own, I’ve turned to the page. And in doing so, I’ve stopped creating chaos around me that didn’t actually exist. My life isn’t chaotic. I just didn’t know how to sit with my emotions without offloading them onto someone else.

One entry I wrote on May 5 really stuck with me. I admitted something hard to say out loud: I have a tendency to be a “one-upper.” Not in the competitive sense, but in conversations with people I care about, especially someone I’m dating, I’d feel the need to share my own story in response to theirs. It wasn’t to overshadow them, but to relate. To say, “I see you, I’ve been there too.” But what I’ve realized is this: sometimes, just listening is enough. Sitting in their moment, without redirecting it to mine, is connection.

At the heart of that impulse was a quiet voice inside me saying, “If they see that I relate, they’ll see I’m worthy of love.” But the truth is, I don’t have to prove my worth. I just have to be present. And when I do that, I show people that I care. That I’m safe. That I’m here.

This is the kind of growth I want for myself. I want to be mentally well. I want a fulfilling, peaceful life. I want to break free from the habits and thoughts that anchor me or drive people away. And while I can acknowledge that the ones who left weren’t meant to stay, because I wasn’t being my whole self either — I also know I was attracting what aligned with the version of me that wasn’t happy.

But now? I want better. I want peace inside me, and peace in the relationship I build. And to get that, I know I have to be better. I have to love myself the way I want to be loved, honestly, deeply, consistently.

So here I am. Day 21, no longer counting just to count, but living each moment as it comes. And I can say, without hesitation, that I am a million times more at peace than I was when this all started.

Thank you for being part of this with me. If my words have helped you in any way, I hope you’ll stay with me as I continue down this path. Let’s keep growing, together.