Tag: writing

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, Self Improvement

Writing My Way Back to Myself

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Many people would probably find this hard to believe, especially knowing that I’ve spent over 20 years in payroll, benefits, and various realms of accounting. I’ve built an entire adult career around numbers, systems, and structure. But at my core, I’ve always been a writer.

When I was a little girl, my dream wasn’t spreadsheets or reconciliations, it was words. I went to FIU and studied journalism, with a minor in marketing. I wanted to write for newspapers, to tell big stories, to be part of the news. Looking back now, and seeing where the news industry has gone, I can honestly say I’m not upset that life had other plans for me.

Life happened. I got married. I got divorced. I needed stability. Jobs required business degrees, finance, accounting, human resources, so I walked back into school, changed my major, and moved forward with a different path. And I won’t say I regret it. I genuinely enjoy what I do, especially now working more closely with benefits and having opportunities to support employees directly. I’m good at my job, and I take pride in that.

But I’d be lying if I said I never wonder.
I wonder where life might have gone had I given writing the same dedication I gave my career. Writing has always been there, quietly. I’ve kept blogs for years, writing my thoughts, my stories, my challenges, my growth. Not for an audience. Most people don’t even know they exist. But somehow, writing has always helped me reflect, to look back and realize that I did survive, that I did overcome.

In a way, I’ve become a life blogger,not for money, not for likes, but for myself.

2025 has been a year of reflection. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I do what I do professionally to provide, to put food on the table, to be responsible. But something in me is asking for more, something creative, something meaningful. Not just for me, but for others too.

I want to help people who feel stuck. People who feel like they’re drowning. Sometimes I want to say, “Stand up, you’re in one foot of water. I promise you, it’s going to be okay.” I see people hiding behind excuses, and all I want to tell them is: you’ve got this. Everything you need to save yourself is already inside you.

I recently shared on LinkedIn about journaling and blogging, about how writing allows you to connect the dots backward and finally understand why certain things had to happen. That perspective changes everything.

So I’ve decided I’m going to write again. I’m going to share more.

For me, 2026 will be intentional. Not in the cliché, New Year’s resolution kind of way,but in a way where every day holds meaning. Every day will be written in gratitude, even through struggle, even through worry. And when my thoughts feel worthy of being shared, I’ll share them.
The most interesting part? This isn’t about money. It never has been.

This is about finally giving life to the one part of me I’ve kept quiet for too long. Writing is the thing I love most, the thing I suppressed while I focused on survival and responsibility. And now, I finally know what I want to write about. I finally feel excited to share.

This next chapter isn’t about surviving anymore, it’s about living, with intention, and showing my children what it looks like to honor who you truly are.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love

Everything but One Thing

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Some nights carry a heaviness that no amount of success or self-love can lift. Not because life is broken, but because a very specific piece of it is missing. And that piece matters more than most people realize.

I’m content with what I’ve built. I’ve worked hard, raised two incredible sons, and created a life that makes sense on the outside. Financially, I’m stable. I’ve carved out a career that I enjoy, surrounded by good people. I’ve handled my responsibilities. I’ve shown up. I’ve done the work. And yet, despite all that, there’s an ache that lingers, because emotionally, romantically, intimately, I’m alone. And that absence has a way of coloring everything else.

It’s a unique kind of pain to have everything but love. To be the strong one, the capable one, the one who gets it done, but still come home to silence. It’s not the silence itself that hurts. It’s the realization that no one is thinking about you in the way you long to be thought of. That there’s no one eagerly waiting to see you. No one to share your day with. No one to plan a weekend or dream up a future.

People often say, “Just learn to love yourself. Enjoy your own company.” I have. I do. I’ve spent two decades showing up for myself. I go out to dinner alone. I treat myself well. I laugh. I lift myself when things feel heavy. But let’s be honest, being self-sufficient doesn’t erase the human desire for connection. I don’t want to be saved. I want to be seen. And I’ve never had that, not with a romantic partner.

I’ve never had someone to do life with. Never had a man who truly wanted to build something side by side. Never had someone say, “Let’s take that trip together,” and mean it. I’ve never traveled, not because I didn’t want to, but because I never had someone who wanted to experience that with me. That kind of companionship, that shared enthusiasm for life, has never found its way into my story.

I thought, by now, it would have. I thought once my boys were grown, once I had space for myself, that space would be filled by someone who understood me, someone with ambition, heart, family values, and faith. Someone steady. But here I am at 44, sitting with my dogs on a Friday night, leftovers in the fridge, no plans, and a heart that still wonders why that kind of love hasn’t come.

The other night, I couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t the kind of insomnia that comes from caffeine or stress. It was deeper. I laid there wide awake, fully aware that I wasn’t okay. And in that stillness, I did what I rarely do, I talked to God out loud.

I told Him I surrender.

Not because I’m giving up on love. But because I’m exhausted from trying to force it. Exhausted from constantly hoping today might be the day. I told Him I can’t carry the disappointment anymore. That I would rather trust His timing than keep torturing myself with expectations that never seem to be met.

Surrender, for me, isn’t about losing hope, it’s about trading it for faith. Letting go of control. Letting go of the timeline I imagined. And trying to find peace in what is, rather than what I thought should be.

Because I have done everything right. I’ve grown. I’ve healed. I’ve loved. I’ve given. I’ve created a beautiful life in so many ways. But without that connection, without that person to build and enjoy life with, it sometimes feels like all of it is missing a pulse. Like I have everything, but at the end of the day, it amounts to nothing… because there’s no one to share it with.

So tonight, I sit with the truth. I’m not bitter, but I’m not pretending anymore either. I want what I want. I deserve what I deserve. And if it’s in God’s plan, I’ll be ready to receive it. If not, I trust that my soul will carry this lesson into the next life, and maybe then, it will be my time to feel the kind of love that’s eluded me in this one.

Until then, I’ll keep showing up. Not for the hope of someone coming, but because I know my story matters, even in solitude. Because being alone doesn’t mean I’m not enough. It just means my heart still believes in something more. Quietly. Patiently. Faithfully.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love

Day 21 — A Reflection on Self-Awareness and Peace

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Today marks Day 21 in this self-reflection and self-awareness journey I’ve been on. I have the next three days off, originally intended for a trip to Boston to bring my son home from school. But life, in its beautiful unpredictability, allowed me to organize things differently. I didn’t have to go. And rather than giving those days back to work, I chose to keep them for myself. To pause. To breathe. To reflect.

It’s kind of wild when I sit and realize how much quieter the negative self-talk in my mind has become. The silence is unfamiliar but deeply welcome. I find myself okay, genuinely okay, just sitting in the lobby of life’s waiting room, not knowing what’s next, but no longer consumed by the uncertainty. There’s a peace in being present that I never used to feel.

I’ve been journaling a lot. And while I’m not going to pretend these reflective days are void of anxiety, there’s something magical in rereading past entries. I flip back a few days and see my own words, full of fear, doubt, or spiraling thoughts, and I realize how much of it was self-fabricated. Stories I told myself that never actually happened. Worries that never materialized. Reactions I didn’t need to have.

There’s one particular shift I’m proud of: instead of voicing every anxious thought to the person I’m dating or venting to my mom, who, as a parent, just ends up carrying my worry like it’s her own, I’ve turned to the page. And in doing so, I’ve stopped creating chaos around me that didn’t actually exist. My life isn’t chaotic. I just didn’t know how to sit with my emotions without offloading them onto someone else.

One entry I wrote on May 5 really stuck with me. I admitted something hard to say out loud: I have a tendency to be a “one-upper.” Not in the competitive sense, but in conversations with people I care about, especially someone I’m dating, I’d feel the need to share my own story in response to theirs. It wasn’t to overshadow them, but to relate. To say, “I see you, I’ve been there too.” But what I’ve realized is this: sometimes, just listening is enough. Sitting in their moment, without redirecting it to mine, is connection.

At the heart of that impulse was a quiet voice inside me saying, “If they see that I relate, they’ll see I’m worthy of love.” But the truth is, I don’t have to prove my worth. I just have to be present. And when I do that, I show people that I care. That I’m safe. That I’m here.

This is the kind of growth I want for myself. I want to be mentally well. I want a fulfilling, peaceful life. I want to break free from the habits and thoughts that anchor me or drive people away. And while I can acknowledge that the ones who left weren’t meant to stay, because I wasn’t being my whole self either — I also know I was attracting what aligned with the version of me that wasn’t happy.

But now? I want better. I want peace inside me, and peace in the relationship I build. And to get that, I know I have to be better. I have to love myself the way I want to be loved, honestly, deeply, consistently.

So here I am. Day 21, no longer counting just to count, but living each moment as it comes. And I can say, without hesitation, that I am a million times more at peace than I was when this all started.

Thank you for being part of this with me. If my words have helped you in any way, I hope you’ll stay with me as I continue down this path. Let’s keep growing, together.

Posted in Uncategorized

Unwiring My Overthinking Mind

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

There’s a part of me that remains calm and grounded when I first meet someone. It’s the version of me that observes, listens, and stays present in the moment. But the moment I feel a real connection with someone, something in my brain switches. Suddenly, I’m overanalyzing every word, every silence, every interaction. It’s like a reflex, and I’m finally admitting to myself: I need to change this.

This morning, I woke up and thought, Maybe I should set up an appointment with my therapist. Because the truth is, I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling this wave of anxiety every time something real begins to form. I’ve noticed this pattern — when I date someone I’m not that into, things feel easy. I don’t overthink. I don’t obsess. I just am. But when I meet someone who seems high-caliber, someone who truly sparks my interest, something in me starts whispering, You’re not enough. They could do better.

That internal voice is loud. After a great date or a deep conversation, I start replaying everything in my head like a film editor stuck on a scene. Did I sound too eager? Too quiet? Did I overshare? I used to send long messages afterward, trying to clarify something or smooth over a moment that probably didn’t even need fixing. Looking back, I realize that not only was this overwhelming for the other person, but it also planted unnecessary doubt — not just in them, but deeper in me.

What I’ve learned recently is that less really is more — especially when it comes to emotional self-regulation. I’ve been journaling a lot instead of offloading all my thoughts onto the person I’m dating or even onto a friend. I “therapy” myself through it, writing down what I’m feeling and why. Then I pause. I breathe. And more often than not, I’m pleasantly surprised: the person hasn’t changed. They reach out later, sweet and consistent, and I realize that the anxiety was mine — not theirs.

I didn’t have to say a word.

The old me would’ve jumped the gun, said something emotional, or tried to over-clarify — which may have made me seem dramatic or insecure. And let’s be honest, nobody wants that. I know I don’t.

So here’s what I’m doing — and what I plan to keep doing — to better myself in this area:

  1. Therapy: I’m going to schedule that appointment. Because some thought patterns run deep, and it’s okay to ask for help to unlearn them.
  2. Journaling: I’ll continue writing through my anxious thoughts rather than projecting them. It gives me clarity and calms the storm.
  3. Reframing: When I catch myself thinking, They can do better, I’ll ask, Why not me? Because the truth is, I am enough. I bring value, kindness, and love to the table.
  4. Pausing: Before reacting or sending a text, I’ll pause. I’ll give things space to breathe. Most things aren’t urgent — and many things resolve themselves naturally.
  5. Affirmations: I’ll keep reminding myself: The right person won’t be overwhelmed by me. They’ll appreciate my depth and presence — not punish me for it.

This is my work. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I want to love without fear. I want to connect without crumbling into self-doubt. And I believe I can get there — one breath, one pause, and one honest moment at a time.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love, Self Improvement

A Day for Me

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Today, I did something I hadn’t done in a long time — I took a day just for myself. Not a day off to run errands or help someone else. A real day for me.

I woke up early, went to the gym, packed some fruits and water, and headed straight to the beach. It’s Good Friday, so out of respect for my Catholic upbringing, I avoided playing any music. Still, I enjoyed the music that floated around me from others nearby. It might seem extreme to some, but honoring these traditions grounds me, and today, it helped set a reflective tone.

It turned into a day of deep self-reflection. I enjoyed the sunshine, the salty breeze, and even managed to get a nice tan. But I’ll be honest — there were moments when loneliness crept in. I fought hard to push those feelings aside, reminding myself that it’s okay to feel them but not to let them take over.

I found myself thinking a lot about the man I was recently dating — how he went from sweet messages saying he was thinking of me to complete silence. His excuse? “A lot on his plate.” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that. It’s disappointing, but I recognize this as a season of growth. I’m trying to talk about these things, to face them, and learn from them rather than shut down.

Part of me wonders if I should love differently next time to protect myself — maybe be a little colder, a little more reserved. But that’s not who I am. Affection is part of me, and it says more about my heart than it does about how it’s received. I’m learning that.

The truth is, I crave a real connection. Sometimes, I wonder if it even exists or if the love I see others share is just a fantasy. Either way, I’m holding onto hope that one day I’ll find love that feels safe and steady. I refuse to let this small heartbreak send me spiraling the way it has in the past. I’m allowing myself to feel the sadness, but I’m not letting it consume me. It’s taking effort — real, heavy effort.

When I got home from the beach, my first instinct was to crawl into bed and sleep the feelings away. But instead, I chose myself again: I showered, dried my hair, got dressed, and took myself to the ale house for a glass of wine and an early dinner. Later, I might even change and hit the gym for another session. Who knows?

What matters is that I’m embracing this journey, not blaming myself for things beyond my control. I have to trust that God’s grace is at work — protecting me from something that might have broken me even more if I’d gotten in too deep. For that, I’m grateful.

Until next time, readers — thank you for walking through this with me.