Category: inspiration

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love

Day 21 — A Reflection on Self-Awareness and Peace

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Today marks Day 21 in this self-reflection and self-awareness journey I’ve been on. I have the next three days off, originally intended for a trip to Boston to bring my son home from school. But life, in its beautiful unpredictability, allowed me to organize things differently. I didn’t have to go. And rather than giving those days back to work, I chose to keep them for myself. To pause. To breathe. To reflect.

It’s kind of wild when I sit and realize how much quieter the negative self-talk in my mind has become. The silence is unfamiliar but deeply welcome. I find myself okay, genuinely okay, just sitting in the lobby of life’s waiting room, not knowing what’s next, but no longer consumed by the uncertainty. There’s a peace in being present that I never used to feel.

I’ve been journaling a lot. And while I’m not going to pretend these reflective days are void of anxiety, there’s something magical in rereading past entries. I flip back a few days and see my own words, full of fear, doubt, or spiraling thoughts, and I realize how much of it was self-fabricated. Stories I told myself that never actually happened. Worries that never materialized. Reactions I didn’t need to have.

There’s one particular shift I’m proud of: instead of voicing every anxious thought to the person I’m dating or venting to my mom, who, as a parent, just ends up carrying my worry like it’s her own, I’ve turned to the page. And in doing so, I’ve stopped creating chaos around me that didn’t actually exist. My life isn’t chaotic. I just didn’t know how to sit with my emotions without offloading them onto someone else.

One entry I wrote on May 5 really stuck with me. I admitted something hard to say out loud: I have a tendency to be a “one-upper.” Not in the competitive sense, but in conversations with people I care about, especially someone I’m dating, I’d feel the need to share my own story in response to theirs. It wasn’t to overshadow them, but to relate. To say, “I see you, I’ve been there too.” But what I’ve realized is this: sometimes, just listening is enough. Sitting in their moment, without redirecting it to mine, is connection.

At the heart of that impulse was a quiet voice inside me saying, “If they see that I relate, they’ll see I’m worthy of love.” But the truth is, I don’t have to prove my worth. I just have to be present. And when I do that, I show people that I care. That I’m safe. That I’m here.

This is the kind of growth I want for myself. I want to be mentally well. I want a fulfilling, peaceful life. I want to break free from the habits and thoughts that anchor me or drive people away. And while I can acknowledge that the ones who left weren’t meant to stay, because I wasn’t being my whole self either — I also know I was attracting what aligned with the version of me that wasn’t happy.

But now? I want better. I want peace inside me, and peace in the relationship I build. And to get that, I know I have to be better. I have to love myself the way I want to be loved, honestly, deeply, consistently.

So here I am. Day 21, no longer counting just to count, but living each moment as it comes. And I can say, without hesitation, that I am a million times more at peace than I was when this all started.

Thank you for being part of this with me. If my words have helped you in any way, I hope you’ll stay with me as I continue down this path. Let’s keep growing, together.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, love, Self Improvement

A Day for Me

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Today, I did something I hadn’t done in a long time — I took a day just for myself. Not a day off to run errands or help someone else. A real day for me.

I woke up early, went to the gym, packed some fruits and water, and headed straight to the beach. It’s Good Friday, so out of respect for my Catholic upbringing, I avoided playing any music. Still, I enjoyed the music that floated around me from others nearby. It might seem extreme to some, but honoring these traditions grounds me, and today, it helped set a reflective tone.

It turned into a day of deep self-reflection. I enjoyed the sunshine, the salty breeze, and even managed to get a nice tan. But I’ll be honest — there were moments when loneliness crept in. I fought hard to push those feelings aside, reminding myself that it’s okay to feel them but not to let them take over.

I found myself thinking a lot about the man I was recently dating — how he went from sweet messages saying he was thinking of me to complete silence. His excuse? “A lot on his plate.” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that. It’s disappointing, but I recognize this as a season of growth. I’m trying to talk about these things, to face them, and learn from them rather than shut down.

Part of me wonders if I should love differently next time to protect myself — maybe be a little colder, a little more reserved. But that’s not who I am. Affection is part of me, and it says more about my heart than it does about how it’s received. I’m learning that.

The truth is, I crave a real connection. Sometimes, I wonder if it even exists or if the love I see others share is just a fantasy. Either way, I’m holding onto hope that one day I’ll find love that feels safe and steady. I refuse to let this small heartbreak send me spiraling the way it has in the past. I’m allowing myself to feel the sadness, but I’m not letting it consume me. It’s taking effort — real, heavy effort.

When I got home from the beach, my first instinct was to crawl into bed and sleep the feelings away. But instead, I chose myself again: I showered, dried my hair, got dressed, and took myself to the ale house for a glass of wine and an early dinner. Later, I might even change and hit the gym for another session. Who knows?

What matters is that I’m embracing this journey, not blaming myself for things beyond my control. I have to trust that God’s grace is at work — protecting me from something that might have broken me even more if I’d gotten in too deep. For that, I’m grateful.

Until next time, readers — thank you for walking through this with me.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience

Larger Dreams

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

I am not publishing this one for a while. I just want to put on paper my new chapter desires so I can use this to refer back to and even guide me to achieve them.- Update 7-22-2025- Published public… so much has changed!

I have spent most of my life living out the dreams of other people. I am not saying I regret a lot of what I lived. As an example, I enjoyed being in band all throughout high school, but I was mostly chasing my brother. I wanted to share that experience with him and in doing that, I made some wonderful friends. What would have been of my life had I joined the girls’ basketball team when my friend invited me to try out? What would have happened if I had told my mom that despite her not wanting me to leave, I REALLY wanted to go to FSU? What would have happened if I never quit Amadeus to run my ex’s plant nursery? Would I have held a higher role in HR today?  Bottom line is, what would have happened if I followed my heart?

In addition to this, I think about how all my prayers all these years as a single mom were for God to provide me with enough to support my children. He did do that. There was never a want that they had that I could not provide. I put them through private school, paid for every sport they wanted to participate in, and bought every meal they craved (within reason of course). However, in all of that, I always excluded the request for enough to be able to provide for myself. I haven’t ever really had the wiggle room to buy myself whatever clothes I want without having to move money from one place to another to make it happen. I don’t get bi-weekly manicures or get my hair highlighted on the regular.  I have never been able to take a nice vacation with my children because I didn’t truly have the money for the luxuries. If I did take them somewhere (like the beach) it was on a credit card or not paying for something knowing that the next few checks would leave me a slim chance of purchasing anything more than the bare necessities.  I have never lived a check where I don’t have to penny-pinch thinking about how I could stretch that to get me to the next one. For example, thinking “I have $280 until next week but I have to pump gas at some point, the water bill comes out on Thursday, and I have to have enough to buy groceries on Sunday”. The rough calculation reminded me that I really can’t take everyone to the movies because a $60 movie day will leave me negative before my next check.

The reason I am recapping all of this is because my new prayers are different. I want a job that fulfills me. I no longer want a job to “have enough”. I want a job that brings me joy. Managers that respect my knowledge. A job that I look forward to every day.  I want this job to pay me so well that I can buy whatever clothes I want without the worry if I will have enough for my obligations. I want to be able to plan a vacation for the summer and pay for it without credit card debt. I want to be able to fully pay Brandon’s housing, so we never have to pull out a loan. I don’t want to have to worry about how I can pay for everything else if I do pay this out of pocket. I want this job to give me the opportunity to save a whole mortgage payment a month on the off chance that I ever need emergency money.

I want to feel fulfillment in my life, and it all starts with knowing that it’s ok to ask for more. I tend to sell myself short because I worry that asking for more means other people are losing out. However, it’s ok to dream big. It’s okay to throw your desires in the air and be selfish with what you think you deserve. At the end of the day, how does God know your true desires if you constantly suppress them? It’s okay to wish and dream. God may just agree you are deserving and provide it all.  

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, Self Improvement

Revisiting and Staying A While

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Wow it’s been 4 years since I have written a blog in here. So much has happened in the world. I feel like life paused in a sense yet kept moving. I don’t really even know how to explain that, but given we all experienced the pandemic, I think most people will understand what I mean.

I have been feeling out of sorts lately, as though I am not living my purpose. I started to do this years ago and, in a sense, I feel like putting my thoughts into words helped me and so many people sharing the same experiences as me. I stopped for a while because I was afraid to be vulnerable around people. Especially people that actually know me in real life. Even people that contributed to the pain I speak of. However, I realize that being raw is necessary. It doesn’t matter who reads it or what people say, there are people that need my experiences to help them cope and get through their own. In no way am I a professional at this. I just had to figure out how to rise above my emotions and troubles. I can’t even lie and say I did it gracefully. There were times that I was a hot mess. I may have handled things immaturely and it hindsight, even those reactions are a lesson.

With this blog I want to take it back to the beginning. Though the emotions aren’t as raw as if I was writing the story as it happened, the memory is still vivid in my mind. I want to detail life from the beginning of divorce to now, as my children recently graduated high school. Life as I know it is changing and those feelings of emptiness creep in my heart at times. Empty nesting is real and I want to be here helping us all get through it together.

I hope whoever stumbles on this blog leaves feeling better than when you found it.

Posted in inspiration, life, life experience, Loss, Self Improvement

Get Ready

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Few things help me feel alive like when I know I’ve made someone else’s day better. Today I did a Vision Board seminar for a friend of mine. I met this person by coincidence and she honestly took my life by storm. There are times you meet people and you don’t know why. Yet you listen to them, hear their story and realize how big life and God is. There are people who have been through so much yet choose to see the bright side of things and overcome the impossible. Your heart opens and you realize how important it is that you have this soul in your life. Life can be so difficult. But really, there is no moment more incredible than the moment you realize you are so much more than your issues. So much more than your stress. You are a force so huge, that your problems are given to you to overcome and help others. Thank you God for today and always. Thank you for the team you’ve built for me. A team to build and grow with. I’m Grateful. World, get ready for me.