Author: affirmationofvisions

Hi, I’m Mercy. Life has taken me through many seasons, some beautiful, some painful, and many that reshaped me in ways I never could have planned. Over a decade ago, I began writing as a way to survive a difficult chapter of my life. Since then, my journey has expanded, deepened, and taken more turns than I ever imagined. Today, my children are adults, and I find myself in a new season, one of reflection, intention, and rediscovery. I’m no longer building life from the ground up, but rather learning how to live it with presence and purpose. This space has evolved with me. What I write about now isn’t about chasing happiness or manifesting a perfect future. It’s about learning how to stay grounded in the present. It’s about faith over fear, gratitude over anxiety, and choosing intention in a world that constantly pulls us in every direction. It’s about growth, real, imperfect, human growth. I’ve learned that life doesn’t move in straight lines. It loops, pauses, reroutes, and sometimes asks us to begin again, just from a wiser place. Writing has remained my anchor through all of it. It helps me slow down, make sense of my thoughts, and reconnect with what matters most. This blog is a collection of reflections from someone still becoming. I don’t write as an expert or a coach with all the answers. I write as a woman who has lived, learned, stumbled, healed, and continues to choose intention, one day at a time. If you’re here, maybe you’re in a season of your own, letting go, starting over, or simply learning how to breathe a little deeper. Wherever you are, I hope these words remind you that growth doesn’t have an expiration date, and peace is something we practice, not something we arrive at. I’m glad you found your way here.
Posted in life, life experience, Uncategorized

My Standards Didn’t Get Higher. My Discernment Got Better.

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

There was a time when I thought having standards meant I was being too picky.

Now I think having standards simply means you’ve paid attention.

The other day I was looking at a list I keep in my phone. It’s a list of the things I know I want in a partner and the things I know I no longer want to compromise on. As I read through it, something hit me.

That list isn’t really about a man.

It’s about me.

It’s about the woman I’ve become, the life I’ve built, and the lessons I had to learn to get here.

Every line on that list has a story behind it. Every single one.

Not because someone hurt me or because I’ve become bitter, but because life has a funny way of teaching you what actually matters.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that people come into our lives for all kinds of reasons. Some stay, some leave, and some simply leave us with a lesson. When I look back, I don’t see wasted time. I see clarity. Every experience has taught me a little more about myself, about relationships, and about the kind of life I want to build.

For the longest time, I thought love meant making things work. If there was chemistry, I believed the rest would fall into place. If our lives looked different, I figured we’d eventually meet somewhere in the middle. Looking back, I realize I spent a lot of time focusing on what could be instead of paying attention to what already was.

Today, I still believe people can grow.

I hope I never stop growing myself.

I believe the right relationship should inspire both people to become better versions of themselves. We all have room to improve. We all have things we can learn from each other. Maybe someone learns to communicate better. Maybe they become more intentional. Maybe they discover a love for traveling because they finally have someone they want to experience life with. Maybe their faith deepens because they’re walking alongside someone who encourages it.

Growth is a beautiful thing.

But over time, I’ve also learned there’s a difference between growth and compatibility.

There’s a difference between habits and values.

Between learning something new and changing who you are at your core.

I can’t expect someone to suddenly value family if they’ve never believed family was important.

I can’t expect someone to become ambitious if they’re comfortable staying exactly where they are.

I can’t expect someone to wake up one day and enjoy making memories, celebrating birthdays, gathering for holidays, or spending quality time together if those things have never mattered to them.

Could they?

Maybe.

But I’ve learned not to build my future around “maybe.”

That’s probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned.

I don’t want to fall in love with someone’s potential while ignoring the person standing in front of me.

I want to appreciate people for exactly who they are, and if who they are naturally aligns with the life I’m building, that’s something worth exploring.

If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.

Not every good person is my person.

I’ve also realized I don’t want to rescue anyone anymore. I’ve always been someone who encourages people. I love cheering others on, believing in them, and reminding them of what they’re capable of. That’s part of who I am, and I hope it always is.

But I’ve learned that encouragement and responsibility are two different things.

It’s not my job to carry someone until they’re ready for the life they say they want.

I want a partner, not a project.

I’ve become much more aware of reciprocity too. Not because I keep score, but because effort reveals intention. If I’m always the one making the plans, getting in my car, rearranging my schedule, or wondering when I’ll hear from someone again, eventually I have to ask myself whether we’re building a relationship together or if I’m simply trying to fit into someone else’s life.

That’s not the kind of love I want.

I’ve worked hard to build a life that brings me peace. I’ve worked hard in my career. I’ve spent years raising my children, and now they’re adults. For the first time in a long time, I’m in a season where life has a little more freedom. I can enjoy a spontaneous weekend away, dinner on a Friday night, a day on the boat, or simply sitting outside with family talking for hours.

I’ve earned this season of my life.

I want someone who’s excited to enjoy it with me.

Someone who values experiences over excuses.

Someone who enjoys family, takes care of himself, has passions of his own, and has built a life he’s proud of, not because I need him to have those things, but because I’ve realized how beautiful it is when two people are already walking in the same direction.

If you had asked me years ago what I wanted in a partner, my answer would’ve been much shorter.

Today it’s longer, not because I’ve become more demanding, but because I’ve become more aware.

Aware of what gives me peace.

Aware of what quietly takes it away.

Aware of the difference between chemistry and compatibility.

Aware that some things can absolutely grow, while others are simply part of who we are.

Maybe that’s the greatest gift time has given me.

It didn’t make me cynical.

It made me discerning.

I still believe in love.

I still believe in romance.

I still believe the right person will challenge me, help me grow, and bring out even better parts of me that I haven’t discovered yet.

But I also believe the foundation has to be there first.

Shared values.

Shared respect.

Shared effort.

A shared vision for the kind of life we both want to build.

Everything else, we can grow together.

And maybe that’s what the list in my phone has been trying to remind me all along.

It was never a list of impossible expectations.

It was simply a reflection of the life I’ve built, the woman I’ve become, and the kind of partnership that would allow us both to keep growing, side by side.

Posted in inner peace, inspiration, life, life experience, Uncategorized

I Stopped Carrying Everything

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

There’s been a shift in me lately.

My mind is quieter.

Not because life suddenly got easier. It didn’t. I still have problems, deadlines, responsibilities, and moments that test me. But somewhere along the way, I stopped believing that every thought deserved my attention.

I let thoughts come, and I let them go.

I think that’s one of the gifts of getting older, if you’re willing to learn from what life has been trying to teach you all along. You start realizing that forcing things rarely brings peace. Controlling every outcome is exhausting. And sometimes the greatest act of faith is simply letting go.

Every morning on my drive to work, I pray the Rosary.

I’m Catholic, and for me it isn’t about asking for things. It’s become my time for peace. It’s my way of grounding myself before the day begins. It reminds me that I’m not carrying everything alone. It helps me surrender the things that were never mine to control in the first place.

It has become my daily reset.

I used to spend so much time replaying conversations, worrying about outcomes, trying to solve every problem before it even existed. If something went wrong, I’d carry it with me all day.

Now, when a problem comes, I acknowledge it. I absorb it. If there’s a solution, I find it. If there isn’t, I accept that too.

Because I’ve learned that not every problem has an immediate answer.

Not every situation is mine to fix.

And not every burden belongs on my shoulders.

That realization has changed me.

I’ve also learned to enjoy my own company.

For a long time, I expected other people to make me feel important, chosen, or prioritized. Then one day I realized something that was hard to admit:

I wasn’t prioritizing myself.

Why was I expecting someone else to do what I wasn’t willing to do for myself?

That was a turning point.

Now I choose the things that bring me peace. I still work out, but not because I’m chasing a certain body anymore. I do it because it clears my mind. If my body needs sleep instead of a 5 a.m. workout, I sleep. The gym will still be there that evening.

I’ve stopped living by rigid rules that I created for myself.

Ironically, the less I’ve tried to control every detail, the more peaceful I’ve become.

Someone once said that expectations are the thief of joy.

I think there’s a lot of truth in that.

So much of my anxiety came from believing life had to unfold a certain way. That people had to respond a certain way. That relationships had to look a certain way. That plans had to happen on my timeline.

But that’s not my job.

My job is to show up. To do my best. To love well. To have faith. To solve what I can, release what I can’t, and trust that what’s meant for me doesn’t require me to force it.

I’m learning to exhale more.

To trust more.

To enjoy the life that’s happening instead of constantly trying to rearrange it.

And somewhere in all of that…

I found peace.

Posted in life, life experience, love

You Don’t Even Know My Favorite Color

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m old-fashioned or if dating has genuinely changed that much. Maybe it’s a little of both.

For most of my adult life, dating wasn’t really at the forefront. I was raising children, building a career, paying bills, and trying to navigate whatever life decided to throw at me next. Sure, I dated here and there. I had one long, serious relationship. But if I’m being honest, my focus was somewhere else.

Now my children are adults, and for the first time in a very long time, I actually have room in my life for someone.

Not because I need someone.

Not because I’m looking for someone to save me.

And not because I’m sitting around dreaming about getting married or moving someone into my house.

I simply think it would be nice to have a person.

Someone to grab dinner with. Someone to go to concerts with. Someone to take a spontaneous weekend trip with. Someone I can call when something funny happens on the drive home from work. Not necessarily every day, because I’ve never been the type that needs constant communication, but someone who is my go-to person and for whom I am theirs.

The older I get, the more I realize that’s really what I’m looking for. Connection. Companionship. Someone to experience life with.

What surprises me is how difficult that seems to be.

Lately it feels like every conversation skips about ten chapters.

I meet someone. We exchange messages. Things seem normal. We talk about work, family, hobbies, maybe where we’re from. Then somehow, before they know anything meaningful about me, the conversation takes a hard left turn toward intimacy.

And every single time it happens, I have the same thought:

You don’t even know my favorite color.

How are we already here?

The funny thing is that I’m not a prude. Not even close. I’m a grown woman. I understand attraction. I understand chemistry. I understand that intimacy is an important part of a relationship. I don’t deny that at all.

What confuses me is why it seems to have become the starting point instead of something that develops naturally after people get to know one another.

The other day I had two separate interactions that left me scratching my head.

One was with a friend. Not even someone I was dating. Someone I’ve known, talked to, and genuinely enjoyed spending time with. Out of nowhere, the conversation crossed a line I wasn’t expecting. I remember sitting there thinking, “Wait… where did that come from?”

Then later that same day, a mutual friend added me on social media. The conversation started simple enough. We had mutual connections, he seemed familiar, and everything felt normal. Within no time at all, the conversation had turned into discussing all the things he would eventually like to do.

Eventually?

Sir, we haven’t even established whether I like pineapple on pizza.

By the end of the day I found myself wondering if this is just what dating has become.

Maybe my algorithm is listening to me. Maybe social media has me convinced everyone is experiencing the same thing. But when I scroll through my feed, I see countless people talking about modern dating, hookup culture, situationships, ghosting, and the frustration of trying to find something meaningful in a world that often seems more interested in instant gratification.

And maybe that’s what I’m struggling with.

Not that people want intimacy.

Not that attraction exists.

Not even that people have different goals.

It’s that curiosity seems to have disappeared.

Whatever happened to wanting to know someone?

What makes them laugh?

What they’ve been through?

What they care about?

What kind of life they’ve built?

What they’re afraid of?

What they’re hopeful for?

When did we stop being interested in discovering people and start trying to fast-forward to the ending?

For a long time, I would entertain those conversations even when they made me uncomfortable. Not because I wanted to have them, but because I was trying to be polite. I didn’t want to seem judgmental or uptight. I told myself maybe this was just how dating worked now.

The problem is that every time I ignored that little voice telling me something felt off, I ended up exactly where I didn’t want to be.

In situationships.

In confusion.

In relationships that never seemed to move forward.

In connections where there was plenty of chemistry but very little intention.

At some point I had to acknowledge that continuing to participate in something that wasn’t aligned with what I wanted wasn’t doing me any favors.

There’s a saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If I know I want something substantial, why would I continue entertaining conversations that immediately move away from that?

The truth is, those interactions no longer fulfill me.

Maybe ten years ago I would’ve viewed them differently. Maybe I would’ve laughed them off. Maybe I would’ve convinced myself they weren’t a big deal.

Today they feel exhausting.

What makes me sad is that I don’t think most people actually want less connection. I think they want more. I think most people genuinely want companionship, loyalty, support, and someone to share life with. Yet somewhere along the way, many of us became convinced that the quickest way to connection is through physical intimacy, when in reality the strongest connections I’ve ever experienced were built through trust, friendship, vulnerability, and time.

I still believe good people exist.

I still believe there are men who value getting to know a woman before trying to sleep with her.

I still believe there are people looking for something real.

What I struggle with sometimes is finding those people in the middle of all the noise.

Maybe I am old-fashioned.

Maybe I missed the memo.

Or maybe wanting someone to know my heart before discussing my body isn’t old-fashioned at all.

Maybe it’s exactly the kind of connection I’ve been looking for all along.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that if we’re discussing intimacy before you know my favorite color, we’re probably moving a little too fast.

Posted in life, life experience

Somewhere Between Hope and Expectation

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Every day I find myself less and less trying to manipulate outcomes. I guess I needed to finally get here. It’s funny because for the longest time I thought this lesson was mostly about relationships. Learning not to force things, not to chase answers, and not to try to control how people show up in my life. The more I think about it though, the more I realize it has very little to do with relationships and a lot to do with life in general.

What I’ve noticed is that just when I think I’ve finally learned how to let go, life shows me another area where I’m still holding on.

And usually it’s somewhere I wasn’t expecting.

Lately, that has looked like me questioning the difference between hope and expectation. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t hope for things because hope can create expectations, and expectations often lead to disappointment. The other part of me thinks that without hope, what are we really looking forward to? Hope is what gets us excited about the future. It’s what helps us believe there are good things ahead even when we can’t see them yet.

I recently went on a trip and had an entire idea in my head about how the weekend would go. I wasn’t trying to manipulate anything or control anyone. I wasn’t sitting there with an agenda. I was simply hopeful. The reality, however, was different. There were competing attitudes, different personalities, tension at times, and moments that were honestly more stressful than I expected. Looking back, I can genuinely say I had a good time. There were great memories made, plenty of laughs, and moments I enjoyed.

Yet somehow the stressful moments seem to stand out more than they should.

As I’ve reflected on it, I’ve found myself wondering if the disappointment came from the trip itself or from the fact that it didn’t match the version I had already created in my head. I don’t really know the answer. What I do know is that this isn’t just about a vacation. There are a lot of areas in my life right now where I don’t know what’s next. There are things I’m praying about, things I’m hopeful for, and things I’d genuinely like to see happen.

The uncertainty can be uncomfortable.

Especially for someone who spent a lot of years trying to stay one step ahead of disappointment.

Maybe the lesson isn’t to stop hoping. Maybe the lesson is learning how to hope without becoming attached to a specific outcome. Maybe it’s okay to want things, pray for things, and look forward to things while still accepting that life may unfold differently than we imagined. I’m starting to think there is a difference between saying, “This is what I would love to happen,” and saying, “This is what has to happen for me to be okay.”

That’s the part I’m still learning.

I don’t have some profound answer or life-changing conclusion. If I’m being honest, I’m still trying to figure it out. What I do know is that life seems to keep asking me to loosen my grip a little more than I’m comfortable with. Maybe that’s what trust actually is. Not giving up on hope, but letting go of the need to control how the story unfolds.

Maybe peace isn’t found in knowing what’s coming next.

Maybe peace is trusting that whatever comes next, you’ll be okay.

Posted in life, life experience, love, Self Improvement

I Think I Finally Understand What I Need

Posted on by affirmationofvisions

Sometimes the most important conversations happen over a simple glass of wine with someone who knows you better than almost anyone else in the world.

My brother and I were sitting there talking about life, relationships, marriage, and the people we’ve loved throughout the years. We started talking about his past relationships, and I remember saying something that I genuinely believe is true:

There’s really nothing wrong with most people. Some people just aren’t meant for you.

There’s an old saying that there’s “an ass for every seat,” and honestly, as funny as it sounds, there’s truth to it. The qualities that may completely drain one person might be exactly what someone else is looking for.

Some people want a relationship that’s deeply intentional. They want plans. Effort. Consistency. Growth. They want partnership in every sense of the word.

Other people want freedom. Spontaneity. A “we’ll figure it out later” kind of life. They want someone who doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t need structure, and is perfectly happy floating through life one day at a time.

Neither person is wrong.

They’re just wrong for each other.

And somehow that conversation turned toward me.

I started talking about my last relationship. Three years with someone I still think is one of the kindest human beings I’ve ever met. Truly. He was good to me. There was no cheating scandal, no toxicity, no dramatic ending.

And then my brother interrupted me.

He said, “But he didn’t elevate you.”

I sat there quietly for a second because the truth hit me immediately.

He continued, “You got bored because he wasn’t pushing himself to grow, and he wasn’t pushing you to grow either.”

And honestly? That changed something in me.

Because when I really thought about it, I realized that throughout my life, I’ve always been the motivator in relationships. I’ve been the cheerleader. The one pushing people toward more. Encouraging them to dream bigger, do better, become more.

But very few people have ever done that for me.

I don’t say that arrogantly. I say it honestly.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to become a better version of myself. Not because I need to compete with anyone else, but because growth fulfills me. I like learning. I like evolving. I like proving to myself that I can reach new levels mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and professionally.

That mindset is what allowed me to build a career, raise two amazing kids, carry responsibilities that would crush some people, and still wake up every morning wanting more out of life.

Not more money.

More purpose.
More growth.
More life.

And I’ve realized something difficult but necessary:

I can no longer connect deeply with complacency.

Some people are perfectly content staying exactly where they are forever. And honestly, that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with that.

But those people are not my people.

What drains me isn’t supporting someone. I love supporting people. What drains me is carrying someone who has no desire to carry themselves.

At some point in several relationships, I stopped feeling like a partner and started feeling like the engine. The motivator. The emotional support system. The planner. The encourager. The person constantly pouring energy outward while nobody was pouring back into me.

And eventually something always happened:
The moment I needed time for myself, time to refocus, level up, think, train harder, work harder, grow more, suddenly it became a threat.

Suddenly it turned into insecurity.

“You’re going to meet someone else.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“You’re changing.”

No.
I was growing.

And there’s a difference.

The right people won’t be intimidated by your growth.
They’ll be inspired by it.
They’ll match it.
They’ll add to it.

That conversation with my brother made me realize that dating intentionally has less to do with finding someone attractive, successful, or charming, and more to do with finding someone aligned.

Someone who wants more out of life too.
Someone who refuses to stay stagnant.
Someone who believes growth never stops.
Someone who understands that love should feel like expansion, not limitation.

I don’t need someone to rescue me.
I’ve built a beautiful life on my own.

But if someone is going to stand beside me, they need to add to my life, not drain it. Together we should be stronger next year than we are today. Healthier. Happier. More evolved. More grounded.

That’s the kind of relationship I want now.

And honestly, maybe that conversation was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time.

Because as this new week starts, I’m refocusing again.

Refocusing on my health.
My mindset.
My goals.
My discipline.
My future.
My peace.

And maybe most importantly, refocusing on the kind of energy I allow into my life.

I want people around me who elevate me.
People who challenge me.
People who inspire me.
People who are just as hungry for growth mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually as I am.

Because I’ve finally realized something important:

Love alone is not enough if the relationship costs you your growth.