I start to panic about things and then this quote plays in my head reminding me that my only job is to do the best that I can in all that I do and if it’s meant for me, nothing will sabotage it. It reminds me that if things go awry it’s temporary and eventually the water will level out and I will no longer be drowning in whatever is happening. I will eventually float on my back and coast back to where I’m supposed to be or where I’m supposed to be headed. If you really think about those words “You can’t mess something up that is meant for you” it takes the pressure off of trying to manipulate your outcomes. It should take the edge off of worrying about the unknown. If I think of the jobs I didn’t get or the relationships that didn’t work out I realize how much better off I am that it didn’t. I find comfort now in these words because I realize that no matter what, I’m going to be ok. So why worry about outcomes that aren’t up to me? Just do the best that you can and leave the rest up to fate.
Tag: Positive Mindset
The Vision
I had worked my way out of Customer Service and into a Payroll Generalist position at a leading University. I was so excited for the opportunity. More so on the idea that my manager would soon retire and the goal was that I would be the Payroll Manager. I worked so hard. I learned quickly and made strong relationships with the staff. About a month before she retired I heard lots of hearsay that they were starting to interview for her position. I inquired about it many times but no one really gave me a straight answer. One day, I arrived at the office and was introduced to my new Payroll Manager. A person with absolutely no payroll experience. Someone whom they assumed I would train and get up to par with what she would need to do her role. Imagine my dismay at this news. I remember being so upset. How unfair could they be? Why was I passed up for this position that I wanted so bad that I could taste?
I continued working at the University but to say I was bitter was an understatement. I needed that job. I had already visualized that job being mine. How could I not get it? My visions had come to fruition in the past. So why not now? Months past and suddenly one day I received a phone call from a recruiter. She had kept my resume from years before and wanted to know if I might be interested in a role at her company. During this time I was still in the process of trying to save my home. Though I was able to purchase a car, I was still struggling to make ends meet. I figured, why not? I dusted off my business suit and met the recruiter for an interview. I remember feeling such an amazing vibe when I walked through the doors of this business. Everyone was so excited and full of light. However, having just dealt with disappointment I set my hopes high but expectations low. Four interviews later, the recruiter called me to offer me the position. The salary they offered me was leaps and bounds higher than I was making. It was also even more money than my new Payroll Manager at the University was making. The work even sounded a lot less stressful than what I was experiencing at the university. It was in that instant that I understood the why I didn’t get the “job of my dreams”. This increase was just the amount of earnings I needed to save my home. Just like that, I ticked the biggest vision on my board.
The truth is, this experience taught me that I can put my hopes, goals and visions out there and if I believe enough they will come to fruition. However, I can’t sell myself short with small dreams because the big ones, the ones that I deserve, will eventually make their way into my life.
Dark Tunnel
I was sitting at the kitchen island with my mom. “What is wrong with you Mercy? Ever since your divorce you aren’t even a quarter of the person that you were. You used to be so happy, full of life, positive and energetic. Where did that vivacious daughter of mine go?” Truth is, I didn’t even know. I felt lost beyond measure. “I don’t know Mom,” I responded. “I feel like I am in this dark tunnel and can’t get out. I am so unhappy. I feel like a failure because I couldn’t save my marriage. I feel like I am a terrible mother because all I want to do is cry and sleep. I am about to get my car repossessed because I can’t afford it. I can’t afford my home. I can’t even concentrate at work because I know that I am working and not making nearly enough to survive. I hate myself”
It was the darkest point of my life. I remember driving to work one day and planning out who would take care of my kids if I should decide I didn’t want to be in this world anymore. I didn’t feel like I was good enough for them. I was sobbing the whole drive in. I pulled into the parking lot, started to get out of the car when my baby, my two year old, whom I had forgotten to drop off at day care said “Hi MOMMY”. I started crying uncontrollably. I was so depressed and so out of it that I almost left my child in the car on a hot summer day. What a terrible mother! I remember sitting back down in the car and saying a prayer. I thanked God and every angel that guided me that my son spoke up. I promised myself in that very instant that I was going to take control back in my life. I called out sick that day. I drove my baby to day care and I signed up for college. I had 2 years left for my bachelors degree and I knew the only way I would be able to make anything of myself for my 2 boys was if I earned my degree. I had to get out of customer service and make enough money to support us. That evening I was ordering school supplies online and I stumbled on a blog about vision boards. A woman had created one so she could visualize her goals. The next day after work I set out to create mine. I knew that the only way I could survive this life was by restoring hope in my heart. I didn’t just add tangible things to my board, I focused on emotional aspects. A picture of a woman laughing. I pasted a heart over her chest because I envisioned restoring laughter in my heart. I added a car because mine had been repossessed and I was driving an old beat up Chevrolet Cavalier that barely went over 40 mph. My goal wasn’t to get anything expensive but something safe for my children and I. I added a picture of my home. I needed to know that my home, the home I worked so hard for would somehow be saved. Just like that I went adding the tidbits that would make me feel whole again. Oddly enough, as I went gluing it together, piece by piece I felt the hope restore in my heart. I hung this poster up right by my bed. Everyday I got up, glanced over it for a few minutes, told God thank you in advance for everything he was doing to fulfill these visions behind the scene, and then I would get dressed and head on for my day.
Within 4-5 years I achieved every single piece of that vision board. I was able to get my degree, I was able to purchase a car AND pay it off. I was able to land a secure job that would give us enough to do whatever our heart desired (within reason of course) but, above all, I was able to restore the laughter in my heart.
Here I am 11 years since my separation/divorce and I feel like I can achieve anything. Negative things happen but I almost don’t even let it sway me anymore because I know things get better. You just have to ride some waves at times. Sometimes things happen to force you to better yourself. I look back and had I not gone through so much adversity I wouldn’t be this strong. I would not be this successful. Most of all, I would not be able to tell my story and help restore laughter in people’s hearts. I know I was able to overcome the worst time in my life so far. A time when I thought I was “in a dark tunnel I can’t get out of.” Because I know this and feel this so strongly, I know that everyone else can too.
Affirmation Of Visions 