There’s a part of me that remains calm and grounded when I first meet someone. It’s the version of me that observes, listens, and stays present in the moment. But the moment I feel a real connection with someone, something in my brain switches. Suddenly, I’m overanalyzing every word, every silence, every interaction. It’s like a reflex, and I’m finally admitting to myself: I need to change this.
This morning, I woke up and thought, Maybe I should set up an appointment with my therapist. Because the truth is, I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling this wave of anxiety every time something real begins to form. I’ve noticed this pattern — when I date someone I’m not that into, things feel easy. I don’t overthink. I don’t obsess. I just am. But when I meet someone who seems high-caliber, someone who truly sparks my interest, something in me starts whispering, You’re not enough. They could do better.
That internal voice is loud. After a great date or a deep conversation, I start replaying everything in my head like a film editor stuck on a scene. Did I sound too eager? Too quiet? Did I overshare? I used to send long messages afterward, trying to clarify something or smooth over a moment that probably didn’t even need fixing. Looking back, I realize that not only was this overwhelming for the other person, but it also planted unnecessary doubt — not just in them, but deeper in me.
What I’ve learned recently is that less really is more — especially when it comes to emotional self-regulation. I’ve been journaling a lot instead of offloading all my thoughts onto the person I’m dating or even onto a friend. I “therapy” myself through it, writing down what I’m feeling and why. Then I pause. I breathe. And more often than not, I’m pleasantly surprised: the person hasn’t changed. They reach out later, sweet and consistent, and I realize that the anxiety was mine — not theirs.
I didn’t have to say a word.
The old me would’ve jumped the gun, said something emotional, or tried to over-clarify — which may have made me seem dramatic or insecure. And let’s be honest, nobody wants that. I know I don’t.
So here’s what I’m doing — and what I plan to keep doing — to better myself in this area:
- Therapy: I’m going to schedule that appointment. Because some thought patterns run deep, and it’s okay to ask for help to unlearn them.
- Journaling: I’ll continue writing through my anxious thoughts rather than projecting them. It gives me clarity and calms the storm.
- Reframing: When I catch myself thinking, They can do better, I’ll ask, Why not me? Because the truth is, I am enough. I bring value, kindness, and love to the table.
- Pausing: Before reacting or sending a text, I’ll pause. I’ll give things space to breathe. Most things aren’t urgent — and many things resolve themselves naturally.
- Affirmations: I’ll keep reminding myself: The right person won’t be overwhelmed by me. They’ll appreciate my depth and presence — not punish me for it.
This is my work. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I want to love without fear. I want to connect without crumbling into self-doubt. And I believe I can get there — one breath, one pause, and one honest moment at a time.
Affirmation Of Visions 