Years ago I remember calculating how old I would be when my kids graduated high school. I remember thinking, “wow, I will be 42. I will still be so young with an empty nest.” Just the thought made me sad thinking about what my life would be like and how empty it would be. Fast forward to 42, and I have one leaving home to go to Boston for college while the other stays to go to school here. Thankfully, I won’t have a completely empty home, but surely half of my heart will be missing. I am excited for their new venture. I know they both will go on to do big things. That being said, knowing that my life is drastically different feels so empty. No more running around to take them to practice or to try to make it to a game directly after work. My days are now about me. Work, home, work, home… that is the routine. So, I find myself these days trying to circle back to my method of ‘coping to change’ by finding the silver lining. For example, reminding myself that I will have time to put my needs first. If I am invited somewhere to do something that interests me, I will no longer have to look at a calendar to confirm my kids don’t have anything scheduled. I can travel and do things I want to do without feeling the guilt that I am taking away from time with my kids. My whole life I put these things on hold because I didn’t want to miss any part of their life. However, now I have time. That being said, I really wish I could hold on to them little. If you ask me, I prefer a life on hold because it means my favorite people are experiencing it with me.
I realize it is time to reinvent myself and see what I want to invest my time in. Something that fulfills me. I know I will figure out what this is. For now, I will enjoy the last 31 days of my youngest born home with me. I will put my life and days on hold for any slim chance that he is home so that I can enjoy every minute of what is left. Life is changing and I am coping.
Affirmation Of Visions 